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Tag : Love

  • Some of your most basic beliefs about love & intimacy are all wrong.

    For over twenty years, I have worked with people from all walks of life, who get stuck in a cycle of pain, disappointment, finding it hard to sustain a healthy relationship. By changing your view of relationships and widening your perspective on intimacy, it creates an opportunity for relationships to not only survive, but thrive!

    Love addiction, intimacy avoidant beliefs & patterns of behaviours;

    • You feel disconnected from your sense of inner peace and happiness
    • You fall in love easily and quickly, but have a hard time coping with long term relationships
    • You neglect yourself and have distorted thoughts about the relationship
    • You fear intimacy because you think you will be drained, engulfed, or controlled.
    • You feel disappointed – that you have not found the right person.
    • When attraction fades, you lose interest and neglect your relationship.
    • You jump from one relationship to another in search of a wonderful feeling you once had
    • You value instant attraction, rather than meaningful connection
    • When you bond with someone, you find it impossible to let go
    • You fantasise about love – your ideal partner you hope to meet, or a previous partner whom you once loved
    • When you are in love, your fantasies distract you from important, everyday tasks
    • Your relationships with family and friends suffer when you are in a romantic relationship

    What causes love addiction or avoidance of intimacy?

    It is hard to feel love when you are angry. Happiness depends on the quality of your inner life, your thoughts, emotions, beliefs and desires when directed towards finding inner peace and love. In essence, you might develop addictions or avoidance to shield yourself from love, or painful feelings. Suffering with negative, inflexible thoughts and emotions, fraught with anger, resentment and criticism, experiencing a loss of connection, perhaps not having experienced hope or love for a long time. You might expose yourself to a serious emotional vacuum and mistake intensity in a relationship for intimacy and love.

    The causes are fairly easy to identify: a history of abandonment, inadequate or inconsistent nurturing without proper bonding, or a lack of emotional connection with a parent rooted in a mature, stable place that nurtures and supports a child. No consistent positive role models of loving relationships. Holding unrealistic fantasises, values and beliefs about love. People struggle with an unconscious fear of of both abandonment and of intimacy.

    A quintessential characteristic of avoidance is a person who, consistently keeps an emotional and mental distance from their partner, feels overwhelmed by their partners’ desire for closeness, feels stifled by thoughts or pressures of vulnerability, they rely on escape, through distancing strategies. A person who is blocked from love, both desires and fears relationships, because they did not have a connection in childhood that comforted them, from fear or the emptiness of abandonment, they did not learn that relationships can be healing. People, often create intensity outside of their relationship, to relieve feelings of disconnection and unhappiness.

    Conscious Fear                            Unconscious Fear

    Love Avoidant

    Intimacy                                 Abandonment

    Love Addict

    Abandonment                               Intimacy

    Emotional Growth & Intimacy

    People who lack emotional maturity, find it hard to deal with their emotions and challenges in life. This is very painful; relationships are often short lived; they find it challenging to maintain relationships of any depth. Compromise is almost impossible, their capacity to understand or respond to another person is limited. They find emotions difficult to handle. In an attempt to avoid feelings, they control their world by creating an idealised version, being extreme in their behaviour, or having black and white thinking.  Over coming this mind set is an important part of growing emotionally, which involves learning to develop coping strategies and relationship skills.

    Relationships are places where this wound shows up. When you are not in a relationship, you can navigate life on your own terms, addressing your needs and wants. You are rarely confronted by the needs of another person in a meaningful way or need to listen to or contemplate someone else’s experiences. You feel in control, most of the time. When you become involved, you are forced to deal with another persons’ desires and needs. You may struggle and blame other people for your problems, situations or circumstances, for your feelings of anger, sadness and depression, without looking within.

    https://www.facebook.com/RussellBrand/posts/10155118538833177

    Mr. Brand’s thoughts about Love addiction;

    ‘At the root of all addiction is narcissism, a constant thrumming attention to self. If you are self-absorbed you are suffering, and if you suffer you seek ways to stop it — through drugs, alcohol, sex, maybe Facebook “likes.’
    He goes on to say;

    “We are trying to solve inner problems externally — whatever it is in our lives that is missing,” he said. “Eckhart Tolle said it perfectly: ‘Addiction starts with pain and ends with pain.’ Here’s the point. Drugs, booze, sex … It’s not the particular addiction that matters as much as the fact that your life is out of control because of it.

    Healing Relationships from love addiction or avoidance of intimacy is a process of self discovery and emotional growth.

    Growing emotionally involves; breaking through denial, acknowledging repetitive patterns, owning harmful consequences of behaviour and thoughts, and interrupting the cycle. Only then is it possible to let go and address the underlying emotional pain at the core of this disconnection. If you avoid intimacy, you run away from difficult emotions. Learning to become present and aware of your feelings is important. Have you ever met a person who is sincerely concerned for your well being and is there for you when you need them? This is a compassionate, empathetic and loving person. For some, this comes naturally, for others, it takes work. Empathy is not the same as compassion. You can be compassionate with someone but able to fully understand what they are going through.

    When you feel something strongly; struggle, loneliness, self criticism, or insecurity, face it head on. Look at the situation, determine what is making you feel that way, and decide what positive steps you will take next.

    A solid relationship with a skilled psychotherapist trained in working with relationships, love and sex addiction can help guide you towards a sustaining a conscious loving relationship.

  • Loving Kindness & Compassion

    ‘When love has carried us above all things . . . we receive in peace the Incomprehensible Light, enfolding us and penetrating us. What is this Light, if it be not a contemplation of the Infinite, and an intuition of Eternity? We behold that which we are, and we are that which we behold; because our being, without losing anything of its own personality, is united with the Divine Truth.” Ruysbroeck

    The darkest week of the year marked by the Winter solstice has arrived along with Mercury retrograde, this is always a time of truth, when communications seem disrupted and misunderstandings are rife, misunderstandings themselves are part of the truth of being human. Mercury is retrograde from 19th December – 8th January, giving us a chance to address short comings and mistakes and correct the course of events.

    The experience of darkness, shadow or Dark Night of the Soul, is necessary in order to feel the emerging light as celebratory, many people want to avoid the darkness. There is something fearful about the absence of physical light because it evokes the dark side of the psyche; your fears and depressed moods, your envies and secret longings.

    Ask yourself; ‘What truth does this reveal to me, and why have I needed it revealed in this way at this time?’

    In the darkest part of the year when the days are shortest, Mother Nature reminds every body to slow down, enjoy time with loved ones, to be open to listening. A time to move towards the vibration of compassion to become more effective in your relationships.

    The days after the winter solstice begin to lengthen, shifting from the darkest part of the year back into the ever increasing light, is a perfect time to clear the old to make room for the new.

    Many people feel unsettled about the global changes taking place, this has been accompanied by low vibrational emotions such as anger, blame, self-judgment, hopelessness, frustration, fear and worry, that do not serve consciousness nor good decision making.

    Distress is alleviated by attending to yourself and your inner turmoil.

    Everything you do and think affects the people in your life and their reactions to you. The choices you make have consequences. Each of us carries within the capacity to change the world in small ways for better or worse.

    Every single effect within the world, upon the earth has a cause, an original starting point.

    All paths have an original first step and from that first step comes a chain reaction of events with further offshoots spanning out in all directions and so on duplication and replication takes place.

    All your thoughts and your behaviour and movements affect the entire universe according to the law of cause and effect.

    When was the last time you were truly kind to yourself? Not just rewards and gifts, but true kindness?

    Only when you have established a kind relationship with yourself can you begin to be truly loving with others; love is generated and experienced from within. In this state you are able to really open your hearts in our treatment of others.

    Learning to treat yourself with kindness, to open your heart to yourself and others is the first and most important step in cultivating loving-kindness and compassion;

    The passage of Mercury retrograde is a gift from the heavens giving you an opportunity to reflect, take stock, review, and correct mistakes you may previously have made in the rush, take your time to make conscious choices and plant seeds of new perspectives.

    When you experience the true depth of the darkness of despair, tears might well up spontaneously, it can have a soothing effect. It changes your physiology from sympathetic nervous system defense and denial patterns into parasympathetic relaxation states. It improves your perspective on the world, especially if this disclosure is shared with another person. When you give into the exhaustion, you might fall into a restful and healing sleep, a sleep that could last a few minutes or hours. You can awaken feeling loving kindness compassion renewed and rested.

    Being in contact with your bodily sensations, hidden rage towards a current or past injustice, an unexpressed desire for fulfillment or failure is not about acting on them but simply about feeling them. When you do this, what you have hidden from yourself in darkness can now be revealed in the light of awareness. You can become more completely yourself, more confident and more fully alive.

    If then, we would indeed restore mankind by truly botanic, magnetic, or natural means, let us first be as simple and well as Nature ourselves, dispel the clouds which hang over our brows, and take up a little life into our pores. Do not stay to be an overseer of the poor, but endeavor to become of the worthies of the world.” Henry David Thoreau

    Sometimes the “life” you need to take in feels like a retreat and a loss. Nature herself waxes and wanes, grows and recedes, lives and dies. In the midst of this shifting and change is one certainty.

    The inner eternal light will naturally follow the dark time of the soul; it’s the way of the earth and of all her creatures.

    By practicing the relaxation techniques on a daily basis, you learn to let go of the unhealthy emotional states that lead to the physical and emotional tension. Meditation includes a strong element of bodily relaxation.

    You can learn how to directly affect your emotional and mental states, promoting calmness and contentment. Learning how your body/ mind interacts will help you to influence your emotional states by regulating your posture and breathing and lifestyle.

    Restoring Mind, Body, Spirit Retreat can help you to become more aware of how to make conscious choices that lead to outcomes that are more supportive of your well being and happiness.

  • Remember that the clocks change on 30th October at 2am.
    They are going backwards meaning the UK will revert back to Greenwich Mean Time. There will also be an hour less sunlight in the evenings.

    In the UK, daylight savings time was officially introduced following the The Summer Time Act 1916. The law followed a campaign by builder William Willett; the grandfather of Coldplay singer Chris Martin; who was a lifelong advocate for Daylight Savings Time (DST).

    He believed in the summer it would save on energy costs and enable people to have more recreation time outdoors

    “Everyone appreciates the long light evenings,” Mr Willet wrote in 1907 ‘Everyone laments their shrinkage as the days grow shorter, and nearly everyone has given utterance to a regret that the clear bright light of early mornings, during spring and summer months, is so seldom seen or used.”

    Shadow Work is a way to bring your true self out of shadow and into the light.
    Shadow Work is a way of transforming parts of your character that you would like to change with compassion and understanding of these diverse parts.

    The World needs Conscious People. Our World Is a Reflection Of Everyone’s Consciousness. Yes, your consciousness makes a difference.
    Your commitment to bring consciousness to your inner world can make huge shifts personally and globally, it can have a profound influence on what occurs in the physical world.

    Fear lives in the personal and collective Shadow. Many people are afraid of the darkness within, they project it outside and fight these monsters that are projected into the world.

    On your journey towards greater self-awareness and spiritual expansion, you encounter the Shadow Self.
    This is hidden from your conscious self-image.
    The Shadow represents the rejected, repressed, undeveloped and denied.
    These are dark disowned aspects of your being.
    When the full extent of the shadow is revealed, it can be quite a shock.
    Yet there is positive undeveloped potential in the Shadow because it is always with you and holds so much of your life energy.

    The key is to recognise it and transform it in useful and positive ways.

    Making a shift requires you to remove what is not in harmony or alignment, physically, emotionally and spiritually in your life.

    When you go into the darkness inside yourself and face that darkness, you discover that it is not that dark after all, the fears that you had, have the potential to be transformed, you can discover the light that is hidden within the darkness, the light that holds so much potential and creativity.

    Many people blame relationship problems on a lack of love and the other person not ‘being enough’.
    In truth it is the challenge of being close and loving in a relationship that uncovers the difficulty.
    A close relationship is a powerful light, and like any strong light it casts a large shadow.
    When you stand in the light of a close relationship, you will encounter the shadow.
    ‘There is a psychological law that says when we don’t own and consciously recognise a significant inner conflict the situation has to be played out through external circumstances. This is sometimes known as “fate”

    Jahnavi will be working along side me during the workshop, she will lead the Kirtan during this workshop using sacred sound. Jahnavi was raised in a family of bhakti yoga practitioners at Bhaktivedanta Manor in Hertfordshire.
    She is a multi- disciplinary artist, trained in both Indian and Western classical dance and music, as well as writing and visual arts.
    After graduating with a BA in Linguistics and Creative Writing, she travelled internationally with the sacred music band, ‘Gaura Vani and As Kindred Spirits’, for five years, presenting the dynamic stories and spiritual culture of India for a fresh, contemporary audience. She now helps to run ‘Kirtan London’, a project which aims
    to make sacred mantra music accessible and relevant to a wider audience, including schools, mental health institutions. She writes regularly on spirituality and the arts for various publications, as well as on her blog – ‘The Little Conch’ (www.littleconch.com). She has released her debut sacred music album, ‘Like a River to the Sea’ in July 2015 and was nominated for a Grammy in 2016 for the charity album ‘Bhakti Without Borders’.

    To Book a place Shadow workshop

  • A Shift in Consciousness

    The shadow & The Political Psyche

    ‘Remember, we are all affecting the world every moment, whether we mean to or not. Our actions and states of mind matter, because we’re so deeply interconnected with one another. Working on our own consciousness is the most important thing that we are doing at any moment, and being love is the supreme creative act’. Ram Dass

    There are currently significant shifts in the world presenting opportunities for you to make huge changes in your life.

    Are you going to seize opportunities or get caught up in fear and polarised thinking?
    Consciousness is possible by making changes based on considered decision making, and creating a support system that sustains growth and expansion.

    How can you make the most out of the energetic shifts that are taking place? On the Healing the Heart Retreat in September and the Shadow workshop in November, I will be helping people to make conscious transitions, to awaken to their intuition, deal with conflict and transform depression, anxiety and fear into Empowerment and Love.

    I ask you to consider these four points to bring some awareness to what pushes you into Fear and the Shadow
    1. What am I afraid of?
    It is important to know what triggers your fear response, what scares you? Is it about the moment? Poor health? financial insecurity? Freedom arises when you know what forces are at work within you and then knowing how you can deal with it.

    2. Where do these fears come from?
    Did you have parents who were abusive or neglectful? Did you have a parent who could not see who you were? Were situations unfair? Were you bullied? Oppressed? Are these founded in reality or are they projections or unresolved conflict within you? Have you been left or abandoned? Do you fear that you are unlovable?

    3. What Triggers my fears?
    What influences you? Who or what are you listening to, responding to? Are you suggestible? Are your responses coming from unresolved Trauma? How do you respond to a crisis? After a trauma, people may go though a wide range of responses. Such reactions may be experienced not only by people who experienced the trauma first-hand, but by those who have witnessed or heard about the trauma, or been involved with those immediately affected. Many reactions can be triggered by persons, places, or things associated with the trauma. Some reactions may appear totally unrelated. It takes care and time to unravel and heal trauma.

    4. What changes can I make to create more Freedom?

    Take action when you are ready and have regained a sense of inner peace and balance do not act from a place of fear. Stop telling yourself negative stories. Turn off the source. Fear is contagious when you keep replaying the same soundtrack over and over and over again– we are doomed – I will never have enough money – No one will Love me – When you keep repeating over and over again, you create a reality based on your shadow and fear. Stay in the present moment, do not worry catastrophize or anticipate the future….focus on the here and now and make better choices about your perception and attitude. Yes – your attitude is everything.

    History repeats itself for those who are unwilling to learn

    Consciousness is about transforming fear with courage to alleviate suffering.

    The Shadow & The Political Psyche

    Jung illuminated the root cause of conflict to be found in the unconscious psyche of humanity – A place where fear resides.
    This is when people project their shadow, the unconscious, unseen, feared, unresolved and conflicted, the dark side or rejected parts of themselves. This ‘inner’ act results in incredible destruction in the “outer” world.

    This is an act of Violence, when you attempt to disassociate from your shadow.
    When you project your shadow, you throw your darkness outside of yourself and see it as existing only in others.
    Many people react violently when they encounter an embodied reflection of their shadow, they may wish to destroy it, as it reminds them of something dark within themselves that they would rather have nothing to do with. They “demonise” enemies, believing that “they” are inhumane enemies who need to be destroyed.

    This is the underlying psychological process which, when collectively mobilised, is the high-octane fuel which feeds  war and conflict.

    When a group or a nation co-operatively project the shadow onto an agreed upon enemy, you incarnate the very shadow you are trying to get rid of.
    It creates a dangerous situation in that the disturbing effects are now attributed to a wicked will outside yourself which is naturally not to be found anywhere but with your neighbour…. This leads to collective delusions, ‘incidents,’ revolutions, war- in a word, to destructive mass psychosis.”

    Jung wrote that “…the normal person…acts out his psychic disturbances socially and politically, in the form of mass psychosis like wars and revolutions.

    Projecting the shadow, is a way of avoiding dealing with the ‘evil’ inside of yourself, it is a primal act which generates the very “evil” that you are attempting to avoid in the first place.
    Jung said, “Nations have their own particular  psychology, and their own particular kind of psychopathology…. the most striking is suggestibility which affects an entire nation.”

    Jung continually warned that the greatest danger that the species faced was the psychic epidemic in which millions of people fall into their unconscious together and because of their “suggestibility,” mutually projecting the shadow onto an agreed upon adversary, thus reinforcing each others’ disassociation, and hence, madness.

    When enough people fall into mass projection, they dream up someone to play the role of leader who is an expression of their unconsciousness. The Leader represents all that is unconscious in a nation, the voice of the all that is rejected and unresolved incarnated in the body of politics as a psychic epidemic.

    A reciprocal shadow relationship existed between Hitler and the Germans in the 1930s, as is eloquently expressed by Walter Langer, author of The Mind of Adolf Hitler;

    “…the madness of the Fuehrer has become the madness of a nation, if not of a large part of the continent…these are not wholly the actions of a single individual but that a reciprocal relationship exists between the Fuehrer and the people and that the madness of the one stimulates and flows into the other and vice versa.
    It was not only Hitler, the madman, who created German madness, but German madness that created Hitler. Having created him as its spokesman and leader, it has been carried along by his momentum, perhaps far beyond the point where it was originally prepared to go. Nevertheless, it continues to follow his lead in spite of the fact that it must be obvious to all intelligent people now that his path leads to inevitable destruction.” Walter Langer ‘The Mind of Adolf Hitler.’

    Globally we can see this being played out as though on a stage between nations, political parties and governments.

    Be the Change – Become a Conscious Activist of Peace.

    When you Awaken to consciousness – Violence is No Longer an Option within the entire spectrum of your relationships, intimate, friendships, family, social, economic, political seen and unseen.
    Freedom is possible when you relate to yourself and others with openness to discover each individual at a time.
    When you become aware of how you affect the world in every moment, intended or not. Your actions and thoughts matter because we are all connected. The path of consciousness is the only way forward.
    Illuminating your inner darkness frees you from the unconscious compulsion to project the shadow outside of yourself. By recognising, owning and illuminating your darkness, you can transform the darkness in the world into consciousness. By withdrawing your shadow projections from the outer world, you can become an activist of peace.

  • You have an Energy field, a Life force, a unique Vibration & Consciousness to discover.

     

    Your heart carries a unique vibration it has a unique energy field and consciousness. Connecting with your heart energy is the most powerful tool you have for creating healthy relationships, balance, health, love and peace in your life, your heart has a consciousness. Your heart is a very powerful organ.

    Listen not just with your ears, but with your heart, Listen with your essence – with every sense of your being.

    When the inner waters of your mind are completely calm, can you be truly  in sync with nature and your authentic  self, a true union with the divine.

     

    ‘You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water my friend’. Bruce Lee 

    “Everything in Life is Vibration”  Albert Einstein

    Every vibration produces a corresponding geometric form. Your Thoughts and Emotions create your Vibration and circumstances in your life, including Illness. Words are vibrations, which can Perpetuate or Heal Past Experiences.

    Prayer and mantras are vibrations that carry  positive healing energy. 

    The sound Om encompasses all words and sounds in human languages. Om is the cosmic sound of creation,  the vibration of the universe, its  energetic frequency connects unites everything.

    Cultural, values and beliefs are encoded into the collective unconscious through language, symbols and words.

    Beliefs can be held collectively in groups,  families or nations. These messages are carried generationally, when unexamined and  unchallenged they can create suffering for yourself and others. Trauma in the same way can be passed over generations. Trauma can take many shapes and forms. Trauma can be experienced physically, mentally, emotionally and beyond. Trauma can create obstacles to finding  peace within yourself and the world.

    Healing Trauma is an important focus of  Living from The Heart which integrates Energy, Mind/ Body, Meditation and Psychotherapy. Unhealed trauma prevents people and groups from  raising their vibration.  Energy healing and Emotional clearing,  helps people who are stuck in repetitive life circumstances and relationships. Emotions are energy, they carry a vibration also. 

    Quantum physics and the law of nature states everything has a vibration, thoughts are vibrations of energy,  these vibrations influence your perception. Everything that manifests itself in your life is there because it matches the vibration from your thoughts.

    When you become conscious of your thoughts as being vibrations of energy you begin to understand the powerful influence that each thought has and you connect with the power of intention.

    John Lennon was encouraging the world to use the power of thought and intention to be conscious of your imagination and its potential,  to create Peace beckoning the listener to imagine a world at peace without the barriers of borders or the divisions,  to imagine humanity unattached to material possessions.The imagination, John Lennon was telling us, is the most powerful tool we have. Use it.

    Every individual has potential, and  is capable of influencing others, creating a ripple effect which can change society. If you approach the world as violent, self-gratifying or inconsiderate, what reactions will you generate?  This is a time to be conscious of your actions and attitudes and their consequences.

    We can use the power of  collective consciousness through visualisation, prayer, mantra and meditation  to improve the world.

    What if everyone focussed their attention on  visualising a peaceful world, characterised by nonviolence and harmonious relationships?

    Your thoughts and feelings make ripples. Every action, thought and feeling have vibrations in a sea of energy, affecting everyone forever changing the composition of the whole universe, however small that change is. Change starts with you. Become strong so that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

    Healing the Heart Meditation

    Join me for a monthly Healing the Heart Meditation virtual event attend from any where in the world.

    Please sign up here to be added to this free monthly group all you need to do is turn up and tune in.

    Details will be emailed to you.

    Imagine the power of  your thoughts.

    “What you may fail to see inside is a result of how you choose to process everything and everyone in your world. You project onto the world what you see inside, and you fail to project into the world what you fail to see inside. If you knew that you were an expression of the universal spirit of intention, that’s what you’d see. You’d raise your energy level beyond any possibility of encumbrances to your connection to the power of intention. It is only discord acting within your own feelings that will ever deprive you of every good thing that life holds for you! If you understand this simple observation, you’ll curb interferences to intention.” Wayne Dyer ‘The Power of Intention

    Weaving Happiness into your Vibration

    Every being, a cell, plant, animal or human, lives by vibrating; by expanding and contracting taking in the new and letting go of the old. Your mind, too, vibrates, alternating between expanding to receive new ideas and contracting to get rid of the old.

    Your Heart beats a rhythm of giving and receiving.

    The nerves and arteries in your body contract and expand, to circulating blood, carrying nutrients to supply cells and eliminate toxins in the same way that the air (Chi or Prana) is carried to and from the cells.

    Your body is constantly vibrating contracting and expanding, your stomach to digest and your bowels to eliminate.

    The vibration in the cells of trees and plants allows the sap to rise, flow and feeds trees and plants.

    When parts of your body become stressed or dis-eased, they are no longer  vibrating at their optimal resonant frequency. To recalibrate your frequency, you need to understand how lower and higher vibrations affect your energy and health by taking care of your internal and external environments.

    Your thoughts and feelings, and the mental and emotional vibrations that emanate from you, create the atmosphere around you. People can sense this atmosphere and are affected by it. This atmosphere also affects their feelings toward you. Please visit Living from The Heart’s  resources for raising your consciousness.

    Be Conscious of what you Create in your Environment.

    Become conscious of the foods you eat. Pay attention to how you feel after eating something.

    Become conscious of the music you listen to. What messages does it give you?

    Become conscious of your home environment. Is it a peaceful oasis?

    Become conscious of the vibration levels of your acquaintances, friends, and extended family.

    Become conscious of practicing random acts of kindness and in return expect nothing. How does this affect you?

    Become conscious of your mind/ body find ways to raise your vibration through meditation, breath work, Chi Kung is a wonderful way to raise your vibration as is a regular Yoga practice.

    Become conscious of going to sleep with a grateful, open heart, it is a powerful healing practice.

    Awaken and enter a blissful Heart space of potentiality and healing on a Living from The Heart Retreat, Consultation or Workshop 

    Love is a natural state of consciousness. Love is at your very core. Love shines a light on your uniqueness. In the spontaneity of love, boundaries disappear. When love appears, separateness disappears.

    OM Shanti Shanti Shanti

    I would love to hear your thoughts, experiences  and comments!

  • Conscious relationships

    Supporting aliveness, satisfaction and growth in intimate relationships. Relationships are a scared path. A Conscious relationship is a path of self-realisation. Being conscious is more than being physically awake and more than just being aware. Awareness refers to knowingness at the mental level, while consciousness is a state of knowingness that encompasses all mental, emotional and spiritual aspects of yourself. To be conscious is to have awareness of your thoughts, emotions, your own existence, sensations, and surroundings.

    Humanity & Consciousness 

    Humanity is on the brink of major transformation. Relationships are the missing link to creating a collective consciousness of humanity, contributing to a healthy, happy, whole, and peaceful planet. It is your ability to relate to others and yourself in a responsible and compassionate way that can be transformative.

    Responsibility is the willingness to take ownership over any “baggage” that you bring to your relationships. When you heal your relationships, with yourself, your partners, your family, and your communities, you create the possibility of a conscious and peaceful world. It begins with you. If you bring your entire reality into full consciousness and take positive action, you will find yourself in the flow of life. In this state of grace, ease and lightness you find yourself no longer dependent or reliant on things being in a certain way good or bad for your well being. The consciousness you operate within is equivalent to the lens with which you see reality. Your perceptions, beliefs, mind-sets and values you hold now are a result of the consciousness you are operating in. When you experience a shift in your consciousness due to an Aha moment or inner realization, you are breaking away from your old consciousness,  old belief systems and attitudes. You begin to see things in a new light.

    The shadow & Consciousness  Many people at some point run into all the unconscious stuff they have never looked at. One day the unconscious material from the past can become re-enacted or recreated in an undesirable form. Everyone carries a shadow and wounds from the past which are inevitably triggered in close relationships. In other words, you may expect to feel abandoned, not valued or listen to, worthless, trapped, rejected, unlovable. You may look for this unconsciously.

    Are you invested in the myth that relationships should only feel good?

    When something difficult occurs or when uncomfortable feelings emerge, or when things have not gone to plan. You might fail to see in these situations that these difficult feelings stem from your relational patterns – the past affecting you in the ‘here and now’. These feelings and issues are not caused by the other person, they have been created from your past wounding, beliefs and relational patterns. Be conscious about your relationships by not attributing blame, hate, anger and guilt. Do not enter into bouts of insanity, despair, depression and self doubt. Here you will find yourself feeling powerless, constantly looking outside yourself for approval and answers. You can step into conscious relationships with yourself and others and gain peace and clarity.

    Becoming conscious requires you to look at your past and current issues in relationships and take responsibility for them, it is only then you are able to create something new and dissolve dysfunctional relational patterns. Most of your core wounds, fears and traumas develop as a child within your relationship to your primary care givers. Often people who have suffered trauma consciously try to suppress their recollection of the painful events.

    ‘Over time the forgetting becomes automatic rather than wilful, in the same way that riding a bicycle requires a great deal of conscious mental and physical effort during the learning phase but becomes automatic over time’. David Spiegel
    Relationships work when you have the awareness to look at yourself truthfully and explore how your life experiences as a child has shaped how you respond to life now. A conscious relationship requires people who encourage one another’s growth, their relationship strives towards something greater than gratification. The relationship is a journey of evolution, where people create opportunities to grow. You are here to grow. Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. When growth stops, you will feel like something has gone wrong. Without growth, you are not fulfilling your path. Learn more about conscious relationships with yourself and others Conscious relationship  weekend  2nd – 3rd June 

    The Gift of Vulnerability & Listening  When you connect deeply with another person, your heart naturally opens toward a whole new world of possibilities. This opening of your heart can make you aware of the ways you are stuck and asleep. Having the courage to be open takes you into the realm of vulnerability. Here you are seen fully. Love requires you to see and bee seen in the fullness of who you truly are. When you gift vulnerability, you are creating a space for the other person to share their vulnerability with you. Here you can love and be loved for who you and they truly are. Gift someone your full presence, with an open heart, without judgment or trying to find a solution. Your emotional experiences are not problems, they are simply experiences.

    ‘Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced’. Soren Kierkegaard

    Trust & Integrity in Conscious relationships  Trust is a vital ingredient in conscious relationships. It begins with you believing in the value of your partners’ word and the integrity of their character. When you mistrust others, it is a mirror of the mistrust you have of yourself.

    A conscious relationship requires you have integrity and keep your word. If you are trustworthy and have integrity, you will have relationships that mirror this back to you. When this is not happening and you are growing in different directions you may chose to end a relationship. Be open and present to receive all the lessons and grace a relationship can offer. To reap this bounty both of you must fully commit to being the relationship with your whole being, for the time that you are both consciously choosing to be in the relationship. Relationships inevitably bring you up against your most painful unresolved emotional conflicts from the past, continually stirring you up against things in yourself that you cannot stand—all your worst fears, neuroses, and fixations. If you focus on only one side of your nature at the expense of the other, you have no path, and therefore cannot find a way forward. This also limits the possibilities of your relationships as well. Love is a transformative power precisely because it brings the two different sides of yourself—the expansive and the contracted, the awake and the asleep—into direct contact. Love challenges you to keep expanding in exactly those places where you imagine you can not possibly open any further.

    ‘Intimate relationship is perhaps the ashram of the 21st Century—a place especially ripe with transformational possibility, a combination crucible and sanctuary for the deepest sort of healing and awakening, through which the full integration of our physical, mental, emotional, psychological, and spiritual dimensions is more than possible’Robert Augustus Masters

    Learn more about the conscious relationships with Living from The Heart. Transform yourself and your relationships.

    Continue to Grow and become conscious!

  • Healing the Shadow in Relationships

    Towards greater Intimacy 

    The depth of intimacy with yourself is the starting  point for profound love. Intimacy is courageously peering within, aiming the light of conscious awareness into the dark crevasses within yourself; acknowledging fears of abandonment, crippling jealousies, your sense of inadequacy, vices, triggers, shame, or predisposition to anger and outbursts of long buried rage.

    It is about showing up and facing the demons in your abyss created in reaction to traumatic experiences. By working to make allies of these misunderstood enemies you can truly create an  intimate relationship with  yourself  unearthing and transmuting, you begin a revolution. This is how family generational patterns  are undone. It begins with YOU.

    True intimacy attracts fellow travellers along the path, based on honesty and truth. Your ability to look non judgmentally at yourself, at them, at the world will be attractive and deeply  appreciated along with your infectious dexterity in igniting change. People will find respite in your presence. Shared intimacy takes on a boldness and daring that is refreshing, passionate, and nurturing. As the love you feel for yourself deepens, your capacity to enjoy intimate love takes root and rockets.

    The dark side of human nature is often described as the Ego, the id, or the lower self. Carl Jung called it the “shadow.”

    The shadow represents the negative side of the personality, the sum total of all those unpleasant qualities that you would prefer to hide. Everything that is in your conscious awareness is in the light. Everything of substance which stands in the light  whether it is  a tree or an idea  also casts a shadow. What remains in  darkness is outside of your awareness.

    When something is held back or something is left unsaid in, a shadow blocks intimacy and connection weakens.

    Too many shadows the intimacy fades or becomes convoluted and confusing. The process of conscious relationship is one of staying fully open. Transparent. Loving. No matter what. Even when the difficult emotions are triggered and one feels dread, fear, abandoned, lost, alone, rejected, anxious, insecure or misunderstood.

    These are the moments in a relationship when you shut down and withdraw, hiding yourself away for fear of being seen in your weakness.

    These are moments in relationship when you shut the other person out or down. When you do not want them to see you in  a particular way, be that way, feel that way, or act that way because when they are like that, they do not give you what you want or need.

    When two people do the work of staying open to difficult emotion it creates an opportunity for  intimacy to surface beyond projections and fantasies.

    You are  seen and loved for who you are, not who you need to be to make a person feel a certain way.

    Relationships are opportunity to practice intimacy, opening up and revealing all of yourself to another who holds you in unconditional love in that light the shadows are dissolved by love  as you hold each other in the process of waking up and release old trauma.

    This is the path of Conscious Relationships.

    Where Relationships are mirrors.

    ‘We do not see things as they are. We see things as we are.’

    Unaware of your shadows you may only encounter them through other people, in the form of projections.

    You may tend to see in other people the qualities and characteristics that comprise your shadow; that is, everything that you think is “not you.”

    Just think for a moment of your like and dislikes. 

    Relationships do not mirror your ego back to you; rather, they mirror back your shadow, the other, unacknowledged half of your Inner Self.

    Defined by your willingness to stay open and share and hold each other as your shadows arises. Defined by your ability to recognise when you are triggered, and to own your emotional states rather than project them onto others. Defined by your ability to hold each other in love when you are in a difficult emotional state.

    • Have you found yourself attracting the wrong people or situations in your life?

    A way to change this involves you taking the time to get to know yourself to avoid repeating unwanted patterns in relationships and circumstances.

    As a result, synchronicities and miracles start to occur. You begin to live in a flow where the possibilities are endless.

    The secret to living in flow is to become conscious of your shadow self – the part you do not know and learn to integrate it to become whole.

    • Have you found yourself thinking that you have no idea what is causing you to act in certain ways?

    You may think your personality is who you are. 

    Blind spots  prevent you from having conscious relationships with yourself and others.

    Learning to release them is important to be able to create happy loving relationships with yourself and everyone around you and wake up your inner power and attract the relationships you want.

    Common manifestations of the Shadow

    The shadow is that part of you that erupts spontaneously and unexpectedly when you behave in a destructive way to yourself or another person. The aftermath may leave you feeling humiliated, ashamed, and guilty. The shadow is that part of you that feels like it cannot be tamed or  controlled.

    There are cultural shadows held by groups of people – topics that are not commonly spoken about are held in the collective shadow, as taboo, forbidden topics or areas.

    The shadow is anything that is  unacceptable to you, anything that is hidden or denied including what what you want to hide from, what you do not want to know about yourself.

    Blame and projection

    Are you familiar with blame? The one thing you may never ask for yet give freely. Essentially, blame is projection; it is your personality recognising your shadow.

    • Blame is usually accompanied by uncomfortable feelings, as you attempt to distance yourself from the source of your discomfort, which the personality perceives as external to you.
    • Blame serves to maintain and reinforce the separation between your personality (ego) and the shadow, maintaining this separation is the egos only real purpose.

    The Shadow Side of relationships.

    An emotionally mature or genuine love develops with a mutually empathic connection between two people, which nourishes both of your mental, physical and emotional growth and capacity for compassion and self-actualization.

    The neurochemistry of love relationships can merge into a dangerous mix of drugs more difficult to part with than alcohol, cocaine or heroine.

    When you can’t let go of resentment and keep feeding your anger by continually pointing out everything the other person is doing and has done wrong, blaming him/her for your pain, then this issue is deeper and relates to your childhood wounding which is coming to surface. It relates to your needs not being met or old wounds from past relationships you haven’t fully processed and let go of are being reactivated. The same goes if you keep diminishing yourself with guilt and shame, making yourself feel worthless. It relates to your inner child that is carrying wounds you have not  made conscious yet.

     

    Mind/Body

    The wiring of your sensory brain and body when not modulated by your consciousness (awareness to influence decision making) can leave you susceptible to falling in love with the state of “falling in love” This can create powerful Sensory cravings that can switch off the frontal cortex (ability to consciously think and make optimal choices). Addictions can be a controlling factor in your life and relationships. Biologically speaking the human body is wired to gravitate toward what produces comfortable, feel-good sensations in you while also avoiding what produces pain and discomfort. The purpose of this design feature is to prompt you to both survive and thrive. Your body reminds you to avoid what is unhealthy, harmful or a threat to your survival, or to move towards fulfilling core drives that matter and create meaningful lives.

    The state of falling in love, creates sensory signals consisting of a potent mix of chemicals, which have the power to change the sophisticated communication system between your Mind/ Body tampering with your ability to make healthy choices towards favouring intoxicating demands and quick feel good fixes.

    If you experience fear or mistrust, your sensory system takes over.

    Feel good hormones have the power to hinder your ability to make good choices, and hold your authentic wise-self (frontal cortex) captive, in a virtual prison of sorts, deceived by limiting unconscious beliefs and illusions of love and power.

    Without consciousness your unconscious mind/body can not distinguish between pain or pleasure or that which threatens rather than promotes your growth and wellbeing and aliveness.

    Discomfort is an essential part of growth, physical, mental and emotional; unnecessary pain leads to suffering. Pleasure is an emotional and physiological yearning for health and wellness, a sense of feeling good about your self and your capacity to contribute to life, create healthy, vibrant relationships that sustain you. Pleasure at the expense of your physical, mental and emotional wellbeing leads to needless and endless suffering of an addiction.

    Learning how to receive and give love to yourself and another person is a great learning curve and challenge – it is not for the faint-hearted.

    Addiction & Power.

    Addiction can be seen as pleasure-seeking, pain-avoiding, or seeking a quick-fix to have a sense of power or control even though it is temporary creating a false sense of self which ultimately avoids dealing with your shadow self. Working with the shadow can better help you integrate parts that thwart your intentions from forming conscious and healthy relationships. “Falling in love” can be seen as a beginning stage of a relationship which if nurtured can create genuine love with another person.

    When you work on your  shadow and uncover the character that is hiding within you. Uncovering its needs, what it is communicating to you, how you feel when it arises you, how you relate to it. It begins to lose its compulsive  quality and does not drive you as  much. When it releases its grip you are able to hear your authentic self – your internal intuitive and wise voice wisdom, the part of you that knows what is the right action. Jung suggested that that  if we can shed a little light on our own darkness, it will remove some of the larger darkness from the world.

     

    Timing

    The right people will arrive at precisely the right time.  Let your words be bricks in the foundations of the bridges others are striving to build. Let the wisdom gained through your committed intimacy be fruitful. Let love be your guide. And let your love speak profoundly

    The true power and creativity unleashed from the shadow is your ability to see clearly and master the art of conscious relationships.

    Learn more about discovering and integrating your shadow, bring your true self out of shadow and into the light.

    On the workshop you will learn ways to transforming parts of your character with compassion and understanding, to find balance within all your relationships.

    Begin the process of positive change on this interactive learning and growth experience. 

     

    Join me for the next workshop it is suitable for all

    Transforming The Deepest Shadow & Healing Collective Trauma

     

    Image by Scott Wilton 

  • The Power of Touch

    Communication in a relationship is incomplete without touch just like an eye contact or smile. In fact, touch can establish, repair or even ruin a relationship.

    Your mind, brain, and body are not separate from each other. Touch is the first sense you acquire, it is the fastest way to create chemistry and bonding in a relationship.

    Being touched and touching someone is a fundamental to a relationship. Even in its absence. Touch is a language you learn instinctively; and one you underestimate in your ability to communicate through.

    It is more versatile than communicating vocally, through tonality, linguistically, or through your facial movements and other non verbal expressions of emotion.

    Touch can communicate a myriad of emotions such as joy, love, desire, attraction, gratitude, and sympathy, as well as anger, fear, sorrow and disappointment. Touch is reciprocal you cannot touch without being touched. It is mutually given and received.

    The Love Hormone

    Oxytocin is a hormone that increases feelings of connectedness and wellbeing.

    Chemistry between two people can be heightened by Oxytocin, also known as the love hormone. It can create feelings of trust and attraction between people when released.

    This chemical is abundant at the start of a ‘romantic’ relationship. The connection may not be based in a conscious realtionship but a ‘felt’ or ‘perceived’ one.

    When you are touched, your body produces oxytocin, the hormone of love and attachment. The hormone oxytocin can help you to form and maintain a connection. Everyone needs touch, without touch you may suffer feeling disconnected, lonely or depressed.

    People with low or insufficient oxytocin can become depressed and more susceptible to stress or vulnerable to addictive relationships, behaviours and habits.

    When you are in a loving intimate relationship, physical touch can communicate and express feelings of love, tenderness, care, play, trust and respect. It is fundamental to creating a healthy relationship. Its absence it can create and communicate a lack of trust, desire or love, it can create distance and discord. Oxytocin is a powerful hormone.

    When you touch or are touched your oxytocin levels increase. Your heart rate slows. It acts as a neurotransmitter in the brain playing a huge role in bonding and attachment.

    Oxytocin gets released during light caresses, during sexual intimacy and orgasm, or when you share experiences through talking or being present or being in the presence of. When oxytocin is released it increases feelings of attachment for another person, as well as feelings of trust and empathy. It can decrease feelings of stress, fear and pain.

    Attachment and forming healthy relationships

    If your early childhood environment felt unsafe or you had difficult relationships with parents, you may find it hard to harness the positive effects of oxytocin and forming secure attachments. Touch is an important part of feeling loved and accepted.

    Your response to oxytocin is affected by your relationships to your parents. What did you learn about touch? Was it reassuring? Did you grow up in a strict household? Were you punished with touch? Touch can very be confusing

    If you experienced inappropriate touch or sexual or physical violence it may contribute to difficulties in forming healthy and loving relationships. It may have a negative impact on your romantic and intimate relationships in the ‘here and now’ until you shift through and gain some awareness and understanding. Long-term changes to your attachment and relational styles are possible. It requires a commitment and wilful intent to make a transition. Working with a skilled Mind Body psychotherapist can help you navigate through the opportunities for growth. If you had difficult relationships with your parents, your brain will have a tendency to react to relationships in a particular way. It creates a neural pathway.

    Through awareness of your responses you have the power to take the first step towards transformation. Touch can reveal a lot of deal information about and the person you are touching. You can gain insight into their state of mind and being.

    Reflect

    Are you open to touch or do you pull away? Are you relaxed or tense? Are you warm or do you feel cold or clammy? When you touch someone can you sense tension or relaxation? Do you disconnect? Or do you experience rage?

    This information can guide your relationships, it can influence what you think, how you respond, or how hear what someone is saying. Each person you meet will have a different tolerance level for touch. Same-sex or opposite-sex touches have different implications. The type of touch its the duration, intensity and circumstances. Touch is something that develops in the context of a relationship.

    You will have absorbed messages about being touched whilst growing up and developing as an adult. Many Religions, social and cultural conditioning teach that touch is ‘inappropriate’ or ‘sinful’. This will affect your attitudes towards touching and being touched. Is touch safe? Do you deserve to experience pleasure? Do you sexualise touch? Your tolerance and receptivity for touch can change and increase. Setting your intentions and putting into practice your learning, awareness and reflections with a skilled therapist can help you navigate the journey.

    Living from The Heart uses a Mind Body approach

    Ken Wilbur wrote in The Spectrum of Consciousness, “For every mental ‘problem’ or ‘knot’, there is a corresponding bodily ‘knot’, and vice versa. The body and the mind are connected Any conflict, feelings or guilt, shame, or unresolved grief can be held in the body. The body has a memory, when you are deeply touched through massage or manipulation or through body work it can release physical pain and previously make inaccessible or unresolved material accessible and therefore available for healing. The Body Knows Its Mind, it has an intelligence of its own, the body speaks when you do not have words for what you are feeling. A warm touch can be a healing balm for the soul and release held emotion freeing you up to experience life in a different way.

    Energy is your Life Force

    Living from The Heart works with your Life Force Energy, which is held in the body. To promote your health and wellness. Life Force Energy is known as Qi or Chi in Chinese, Prana in Sanskrit. It describes the flow of energy that sustains all living beings. I help people learn how to focus, use, and move this energy, by combining various breathing, meditative and energy awareness exercises for a wide range of benefits. This can facilitate your body’s healing process.

    The higher your oxytocin, the higher your happiness and well-being.

    The next Living from The Heart retreat will guide you through a process of deep restoration through mind / body techniques that will help you shift stress states into vitality and help you find balance to further cultivate your healing journey. Why go on a retreat?

    Join me on Restoring the Mind and Body Retreat 29th – 31st January 2016 Early Bird Booking per person if you book before 31st November 2015 References: Wilber, Ken The Spectrum of Consciousness (Quest Books) Paperback 18 Apr 1996

    Communication in a relationship is incomplete without touch just like an eye contact or smile. In fact, touch can establish, repair or even ruin a relationship. Images from stills from Shura Touch video

  • What are the healthy Characteristics of negotiation in Relationships A healthy functional intimate relationship is based on equality and respect, not power and control. Think about how you treat and desire to be treated by someone you care about. The quality of a negotiation depends upon two things; the quality of the basic relationship between the two people and the quality of the communication that takes place. A good relationship with good communication between two people should enable successful negotiation. A poor relationship with poor communication is likely to create unhealthy relationships. Too often people try to use negotiating skills from the office at home these – skills do not translate into relational tools. The health of a relationship impacts the quality of communication between two people. If you do not trust someone, you are in danger of either disregarding what they say or looking for hidden meanings that may or may not actually exist. The health of a relationship impacts heavily upon negotiation and is a major influencing factor on the likelihood of both partners getting what they need to flourish and grow. Trust This means being supportive, wanting the best for your partner, knowing your partner likes you, and being able to rely on your partner, offering encouragement when necessary, and being comfortable with your partner having different friends and interests.

    Intimate relationships are complex, they can be identified by a growing degree of attachment or dependence – in other words, how much we ‘need’ the other person. Attachment or dependence can be hard to negotiate because it defines vulnerability. It is usually our own dependence – our own vulnerability – that we find difficult to confront and to accept. Like it or not, however, dependence, vulnerability, and consequently power are influencing factors in all relationships. You might feel that you control the power balance, that you are subject to it or that it is equal. Nevertheless, it exists and it is a major influencing factor.

    Types of power

    Positional power This type of power comes from one person’s position in relation to another. For instance, one partner may have more financial wealth or may have power because of the position that he or she occupies at work, the other partner may have less power because of the way in which their partner perceives them and the division of finances, decisions making or labour in the home. Positional power is characterised by a need for the relationship to continue. Information power As individuals, the more information that we have, the more we feel able to control what is going on about us. This form of control involves one person having more information than another and using it to control the other person’s uncertainty. People can become dependent upon others because of their need to control their own uncertainty.

    Control of rewards Buying a sports car to reward a partner for their compliance is an example of this. Paying for everything in the relationship. This is about having the power to reward for desired performance or behaviour. This type of power creates dependency upon the person giving the reward.

    Coercive power This is about having the power to punish for failure to behave in a desired fashion. This type of power is also likely to create dependency. People can depend on not being punished as well as depend on being rewarded.

    Alliances and networks This concerns the relationships with Social networks (Facebook Literally) and real ones with Family and friends. This is an extended form of information power together with positional power.

    Access to and control of agendas If one person controls what terms of the relationship are negotiated, they can effectively set the ground rules i.e. when one partner wants complete control of their partner’s behaviours and loyalty without any relationship skills or creation of the necessary skills to create a healthy relationship. This avoids intimacy. One person focussed on conditions that are favourable to themselves and for needs and requests from their partners that are unfavourable to be blocked. When the discussion is controlled, the relationship becomes dependent on the other to explain the rules for communication and subsequently negotiation. This is unhealthy in adult relationships and creates a power imbalance.

    Power All negotiation is about power. Because there are always power imbalances in a relationship, negotiation goes on all the time. No matter what your overall approach to negotiation, you may need to consider the nature of power. Remember that the power in the relationship will influence how intimacy is negotiated. There are many ways people play out power dynamics in relationships through money, sex, decision making, and giving or withholding affection.

    Healthy negotiation in an intimate relationship

    Taking  Responsibility

    Accepting responsibility for yourself, means looking after your needs without holding someone else responsible for your life. If you need help get it. Acknowledge past and previous bad behaviour including verbal, emotional or physical violence. Being able to say sorry and admit when you are wrong goes a long way to creating harmony in a relationship. Be sure to communicate openly and honestly. Keep your agreements. Do not create excuses for you or your partner actions. A healthy Relationship is built on truth rather than game playing and deception.

    Good Communication Good Communication is based on clarifying issues, specifying feelings, and working together for mutually satisfying solutions. If one partner does something that hurts the other in any way they can take responsibility, and make needed changes in their demonstration of love for the other partner.Any two people can have different perceptions. Differences are not a problem; it is how two people deal with differences. It is often best to take a conscious approach to making decisions in relationships. There is no right or wrong. Take time to listen and reflect. Navigating your desires and reactions. Stop the internal dialogue with yourself about the other person’s motivations and emotions. Ask questions instead of making assumptions. Work towards finding mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict, this means talking. Take time to work what your desires and needs are. They are just as valid as your partner’s. You do not need to agree or even understand differences in opinion to respect your partner. When differences come up observe the situation from your partner’s point of view. No issue or problem is more important than the relationship. When one person wins an argument there will always be a loser rather than two people winning. Conscious decision making Making money decisions together, making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements, sharing dating expenses, accepting both partners need to hold a job. Making decisions together, splitting or alternating costs on dates. Being mindful of the other person’s needs as well as your own – doing things for each other, going places you both enjoy, giving as much as you receive. Basic Steps to Maintaining a Good, Healthy Relationship • Be conscious of what both want for yourselves and from the relationship. • Be vocal about what your needs are communicate them assertively. Neither of you are mind readers • Recognise that your partner will not be able to meet all of your needs. These can be met outside of the relationship. • Do expect your partner to change to meet all your expectations. Accept differences that you see between your ideal how you would like things to be & the reality of who they really are. • Expect conflict. It’s healthy and be willing to negotiate & • Observe and have compassions and empathy. See things from their point of view. You don’t have to agree to respect and understand differences. • Healthy relationships take continual work and effort to maintain.   Take your relationships’ Temperature • How well do you and your partners listen to each other? When you and your partner talk, do you look each other in the eye and really listen, is one of you pre-empting a response before the other has finished talking? • How willing are you to take responsibility for your role in your relationship? Many people are good at finding fault in others; particularly those with whom they are in relationship. How capable are you of both identifying your relational limitations and working to change them? • Re you willing to make compromises? Generally and in your daily routine are you conscious of your partners’ likes and dislikes, sensitivities and emotional needs? Do you allow your partner to make compromises for you? In order for a relationship to be balanced and healthy, each person needs to assert his or her own needs and be responsive to those of their partner. • Do you both recognise the qualities you enjoy and appreciate about each other? Are you able to express these, or are they left unsaid? Over time, couples have a tendency to take each other for granted, recognition; appreciation and affection need to be regularly exchanged, in ways that work for both partners. • Are you able to express your concerns without fear of how your partner will react? I Are you both able to express concerns gently and respectfully and do you become harsh or ridiculing? How you express the things that bother you matters at least as much as what your concerns were in the first place. These factors share common themes: mutual respect, openness and consideration. Take time to consider that your care, attentiveness & respect in your romantic relationship are the gifts that matter most every day and create a healthy loving relationship.

    Explore more in Couples therapy

  • Sex is your Life Force. You are born out of it. It is your creative energy. It can bring enlightenment. Self esteem is not static. It fluctuates. When you think of your inner lover or Divine Love, what images come to mind perhaps the image of the Goddesses of Love? Aphrodite is an enchanting embodiment of sexual fantasy. Her allure is universal. She is the stereotype found in the Hollywood sex goddess who stimulates desires and romance in the imaginations of millions. Perhaps the ecstatic devotional poems of Rumi, Kabir, Mirabai conjure images of blissful and divine Love?When you make a journey to find Divine Love you enter the realm of coming to grips with reality beyond the emotions of love or fear.

    Experience and personal growth helps you move from fantasy to reality to be able to manifest Divine and Sacred Love. The journey to find the Lover within you and connect with a Conscious or Divine Love will take you to unexpected places, some difficult to visit.

    Your memories, beliefs, and values will place obstacles in the way; you may have opposition, feelings of bitterness and old wounds that impede your progress. You may even feel the need to defend yourself against perceived attacks in order to not be wounded again. Reality on this journey is found between becoming conscious of your idealised images and expectations you place on yourself and relationships. These ideal images are virtually non-existent, when they are not met feelings of disappointment and loss have mastery over you hounding you to degrade yourself and current relationships. Prompting you to behave in unauthentic ways to gain a false sense of being loved and desired.

    Reflect. Look at the walls you have put up around you. Which part of your self needs protecting? How old are they? When you meet a Love, which part of you greets it? The adult, child or teenager? When you think of Love what images arise? What is your desire?

    Your Inner Lover is both the feminine and masculine whom is excited by feelings of longing, awe, fear of the unknown, and incomprehensibility. When you Love deeply, you open yourself up to the possibility of betrayal and the pain of separation. You open yourself to wounding, and this very woundedness is your openness. Love is a universal quality, intrinsic to consciousness, no journey is more rewarding. It’s worth the time, effort, and dedication to discover your inner Lover. Celebrate what makes you and your desires unique. Your life is beautiful. Your inner Lover is a healthy embodiment of life force, an experience of sensuous pleasure. Your sensitivity allows you to extend compassion and empathy to all you encounter. Sexual energy can have many expressions: at its lowest vibration, it is biological; at the highest, it is spiritual. Along with this sensitivity to your internal and external experiences comes passion. The Inner Lover is connected through feeling.

    Your inner Lover wants to touch and be touched. You want to touch everything physically and emotionally and you wish to be touched by everything. Here you recognise no boundaries. Revel in your experiences of the exotic, of desire through the language of love, music art, and the senses. You desire connection with yourself allowing powerful feelings and experiences and in your relationships with other people. Your desire is to experience the sensual world in its totality. Give yourself permission to feel this fully.

    The inner Lover makes a journey through your mind, body and spirit moving upwards towards silent spaces, passing through your heart to your mind and the seventh centre at the highest point in your body. Here you will feel grateful towards the energy. Be open to receiving the gifts of loving relationships which have the power to melt defences, leaving you and your loved ones disarmed and open – allowing the magic of divine love to flow.

    Practice makes perfect Love Is a Practice. It is a skill that improves with practice. When you consciously identify and communicate your expectations, you are more likely to create and attract healthy loving relationships. When you listen to the wisdom of your heart you can allow it to guide you towards higher expressions of love. You are invited to join me to learn more… www.livingfromtheheart.co.uk

    Love, Sex & Intimacy Workshop on the weekend of 7th – 8th March 2015 10 – 4pm both days in North London

    BOOK A PLACE

    On Love, Sex & Intimacy weekend I will introduce ways to help you to develop a healthy sense of sexuality and desire. Learn to identify your emotions and get your needs met in a healthy manner. It will explore the possibilities for experiencing greater depth and nourishment in your relationships. Explore feelings that arise when you meet challenges including shame that may prevent you from having an enjoyable sexual relationship. Find ways of overcoming barriers to better relationships. The workshop is open to all regardless of sexual orientation or if you are in a committed relationship or single.