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Stay Young and Beautiful. Living from the Heart encourages you to live an authentic, healthier, happier, more joyful, purposeful life. To lead a life you can be proud of together with a lifestyle of practices that guide you towards a long healthy life. I encourage you to cultivate a set of practices to keep your mind, body and spirit engaged and strong and support your essence in the activities you immerse yourself in, changing and responding to your needs in the moment. Each moment helps you learn more about yourself and the world. People seek help when they recognise they are disconnected in some way from a life that supports and nurtures. People do not usually arrive knowing what is wrong with them, much of what causes suffering or dis-ease is often buried. People come with symptoms, which may be experienced as relationship difficulties, exhaustion, anxiety, depression, stress or tiredness. It may be that you are dealing with a bereavement, illness of a loved one, health problems, struggling with your career, or trying to create a new relationship or maintain the ones you have. When you become disconnected from what truly matters in life things can become really tough. Luckily, the answers and solutions can be found within you. Your energetic heart can be accessed through meditation, it is as vast as the entire universe. You can learn to access the power, clarity, insight, love, and peace of your heart. When you learn to listen to your heart you can gain access to the incredible qualities that you didn’t even know you had. When you have discovered and healed your heart, you can use your heart’s power and vulnerability to create a life you know is possible.
The first secret to Happiness and Longevity is to release judgements and cultivate an attitude towards not making up stories, or predefining age, or imposing limits to your true nature. The only true measure of life is not to measure it at all, but rather to simply live it fully. Live each day fully and actively. Lead a life that is rich and full of experience. This provides an edge to keep you healthy, flexible and strong. Live life according to your unique nature. Judgments provide for a life lived within a very defined set of rules with effectively limited or no free will. To live in this manner limits your potential and reduces the possibility of your actions.
“If you ignore the dragon, it will eat you. If you try to confront the dragon it will overpower you. If you ride the dragon, you will take advantage of its might and power.” — Chinese Proverb
The second secret to Happiness and Longevity is eating well.
Learn to listen to your body and respond to it by providing a good mixture of essences and nutrients to maintain your body’s optimum health. The body needs a balanced, varied and healthy diet. There are many books and literature that go into great detail about when, how and what you should eat. Essentially it is all about eating in balance and moderation. Many diets fail when they do not change in response to the changing needs of your body and climate. Experience and wisdom teaches a practice of treating food with respect with the least amount of processing. Food intake should be in moderation and balance. The respect you show towards your food’s life cycle mirrors the relationship with your own life cycle. Think. If an animal or plant is tortured during its growth, its essence will be saturated with fear, stress and imbalances. When this is consumed you devour its’ essence, any accumulated stress hormones or illness is taken into your own body. Eating such food promotes a life of fear and perpetuates mindless practices.
The third secret to Happiness and Longevity requires you to listen to your authentic nature.
Learn to accept yourself and lead a life of discovering who you are. Your nature is ever changing and remains the same. It is futile to attempt t resolve contradictions in life, instead learn to accept your nature. There are so many distractions, opinions, thoughts, ideas, desires, expectations, visions and images competing, working, trying to lead you to a supposedly better way. This chatter creates a distracting noise. How can you attain longevity if you are always busily moving to the rhythm of a larger world? Learn to live a long healthy life, move to rhythm of your own subtle cues, follow and trust your gut feelings and instincts. Longevity is pointless, unless you are your own person. Whats the point of extending misery? Meditate. Ask yourself ‘who am I’ and allow yourself to answer the question deep from within. Enter your inner space and ask, “Who am I?” You will arrive at a deeper experience of your consciousness and unique nature.
The fourth secret to Happiness and Longevity is exercise. Move your Body.
A physical practice keeps the body healthy. It is critical to keep the body moving and subtle. Exercise such as Yoga and Qigong help keep your body strong and flexible for an entire life time. They are both moving meditation. Working with the breath or pranayama is fundamental for the development of physical well-being, meditation, awareness, and enlightenment, it is both a form of meditation in itself and a preparation for deep meditation. Breathing or pranayama can rapidly bring the mind to the present moment and reduce stress. Breath work along side psychotherapy can relieve depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, stress and anxiety. By inducing stress resilience, breath work enables you to rapidly and compassionately relieve many forms of suffering. Stress is not caused alone by stressful situations or relationships – it is your response and reaction that creates a response in your mind and body.
The fifth secret to Happiness and Longevity is to attend to your attitude. Attitude is everything.
Your attitude to life is one of the key elements of your personality. It defines how you view reality. If you treat yourself as an opponent or as something to be dominated, there will be resistence. The more you resist the world, the more the world will resist back. The world is larger and more powerful than you, the battle will be lost when you make life a fight. Resistance is at the core of psychotherapy. It determines the process and is largely why psychotherapy can take so long. Understanding it, facing it, and working through are at the heart of therapy, One can resist memory by recalling facts but not the impact on yourself and others nor the experience. Reconnecting with the totality of an experience or relationship can free you from symptoms that cause distress such as anxiety and the anticipation of suffering or humiliation. Becoming conscious of your experience and range of feelings and perceptions can transform you. It is fine to fight occasionally, it is important to stand up for yourself, but to make a stand excessively against the world means the world will erode you eventually. There are times in your life when you are open to new ideas that run counter to the demands of your resistance, when your mind and heart are not open and resistance is high, nothing can reach you. Resistance works like friction it may feel like everything in your psyche is pushing you in the opposite direction. Resistance, develops from your defences, which are at the heart of your personality. It can take many forms, appearing as mistrust, anger, feeling discouraged, supercilious, bored, boring, confused, confusing, or dependent. When triggered it is central to your functioning and necessary for your survival.
Leading a life with low stress is desirable and necessary to accessing happiness and longevity. Stress is a major factor that contributes towards premature aging and dis-ease. Harness a good attitude which concentrates on good humour and low stress. Laughter is a healing balm with real healing powers, laughter has the power to charm and influence those around you in daily life, laughter can extend life, and make days truly worth living. Laughter is beautiful, it is infectious. The sound of laughter is far more contagious than a cough, or sneeze. Laughter can bring people closer together. Laughter triggers healthy physical changes in the body. Humour and laughter can strengthen your immune system, boost your energy, diminish pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. When you laugh, you enter a state of “no thought” or emptiness, if only for a microsecond. With practice, laughter can be a powerful path to consciousness and enlightenment.
The sixth secret to Happiness and Longevity is cultivating a spiritual practice. You are more than a mind and body. You are a trinity of mind, body and spirit. Your Spirit is uniquely defined within the actions of how you lead your life. A spiritual practice keeps both the mind and body in balance with each other. A practice can be anything that helps you to find peace within your own nature. There are day to day activities you can perform with an intent of spirituality. Recognise how natural and easy it is to carve out a spiritual connection with the world. Spiritual practice is a combination of intent within your actions and the exploration of mysteries in your life. Your spiritual practice needs to define and refine over time responding to your needs and circumstances. If you are to lead a long life, then it helps to have a reason to do so. A spiritual practice provides motivation for enjoying a longer happier life not a miserable one.
The seventh secret to Happiness and Longevity is to avoid addiction. Addiction is a process of self destruction. It redefines an empty space with something external to your true nature. It is important to live as yourself. not in a haze. There are addictive substances that appear to solve problems; using drugs to shift the balance of your mind, to fit a social norm, using television, mobile phones and social media to help pass the time, all addictions erase a persons’ unique nature. The root cause of suffering is addiction or aversion to what you think will make you happy. ‘When you look at addictions’ says Ram Dass, ‘it’s not like ‘evil,’ it is just an attempt to ‘get back.’ The problem is that most behaviours that get you back, will allow you to be in the presence of something divine temporarily, it does not allow you to remain ‘at home’ in your unique nature. Live life as your self. Life is a challenge and the struggle has edges which defines your unique shape.
The eighth secret to Happiness and Longevity is unspoken.
Learn how to put these into practice on the next Healing The Heart Retreat 17th – 24th September 2015 in Portugal. The Venue is located in Central Portugal between the towns of Tomar and Sertã and near the small town of Cernache do Bonjardim. The nearest Airport is Lisbon which is approximately 1 hour and 45 mins away from the venue. Set in a tranquil location in the forested hills of Central Portugal, far away from the crowds, just 3 km from the beautiful ‘Castelo de Bode’ lake and 8 km from the small town of Cernache de Bonjardim.
True wealth lies in healthy relationships You have a relationship with everything and everyone including yourself. Many people would rather talk about sex than money. Money is a complex subject. It can stir up a lot of intense emotions, especially in relationships with family members, parents, children, friends and partners. Your relationship with money reflects your beliefs about money and wealth. Money can be a source of friction in many relationships. Financial struggle or financial freedom is the result of your relationship with Money. Changing how you think about money can help you solve your financial problems and build better relationships. The Conscious Relationship workshops will focus on building greater connection and intimacy in relationships. Frequently the biggest problems in couple relationships have to do with communication about sex, love and or money. These subjects tend to be avoided as “taboo topics” and end up being the source of arguments and misunderstandings. The Conscious Relationship workshop helps people to feel increasingly comfortable in discussing their sexuality and abundance making a huge difference in their relationships.
It is always in peoples thoughts, however talking about money is a different matter. The ambivalence expressed when talking about money creates many misunderstandings and difficulties with communication. Many people have been taught etiquette about money which impedes personal growth and freedom, with notions such as; it is impolite to talk or ask how much something costs or how much money someone earns. Being in debt and not having enough money creates stress and worry, it disturbs your peace of mind. It is often the culprit behind many arguments and powers struggles, separations and divorces.
Many People understand that the stress in your life can be directly linked to the clutter and distractions you create on a daily basis. There is a growing desire to live more simply and harmoniously with the environment, to reduce distractions and focus on what is most important in life.
The source of love is deep in us and we can help others realize a lot of happiness. One word, one action, one thought can reduce another person’s suffering and bring that person joy.Not being on the same page with your partner financially or managing differences in attitudes towards money can create conflict in relationships. Living in a Society is dominated by materialism can impact and shape the course of your relationships. Materialism can lead to stress and discord in relationships. True happiness can be found in healthy relationships.
Your attitude towards money can reveal the deepest aspects of your personality and insecurities. You may have a feeling, largely unconscious, that it might reveal too much about you. It might reveal your irrationality, impulsiveness and the thoughtless nature of your attitudes towards money. Money can be used as a way to deal with anxiety and separation issues, i.e. having lots of it can prevent you from feeling unsafe in the world. Conversely, Lack of money can be felt as a threat to safety and can give rise to depression and feelings of emptiness and arguments in relationships. Couples and individuals on the workshops learn how their personal histories and beliefs are often at the source of their conflict with finances.
Erich Fromm described society as having an orientation towards greed for money; fame and power which have become dominant themes in many people’s lives. Humanity needs to transform its consciousness from a culture of greed, materialism, consumerism and exploitation into one of love, sustainable practices and humanity.
The only wisdom we can rely on comes from the teachings of compassion, love, generosity, gratitude and Truth. Life invites each of you to step through an endless series of doorways into consciousness. If you are receptive enough to see these openings as opportunities, and have surrendered enough to pass through them, you will find yourself growing into greater self-knowledge and expanding beyond your old limitations.
Your relationship with money reflects power struggles, how you receive or and withhold affection in relationships and your relationship with desire. Messages such as: “A penny saved is a penny earned”; “Money doesn’t grow on trees”; “Money is the root of all evil”; “Money makes life easier etc… If you observed your family struggling financially, you may have developed the belief that “Money is hard to come by.” Perhaps your family had financial ease, which included great family vacations and play time, and you grew up believing “Money is plentiful and easily come by.”
Maybe you had enough money, but you saw your parents working hard and having little time for family. Creating internalized messages such as “I need to neglect my family in order to provide for them” or “Money creates suffering.” Money can be viewed as a source of pride and shame which is reinforced by cultural conditioning. Your relationship with money can help you to understand how you care for yourself and others.
Understanding how your sabotaging beliefs about earning money and having money can help you to negotiate these complex issues of money in intimate relationships and beyond. Most of you know that money cannot buy happiness. Difficulties with money and relationships are symptomatic of deeper issues that have not been addressed.
Money is symbolic of many themes to do with being loved and taken care of, it can bring up issues of dependency and survival. It can symbolise domination, value and self-worth, exploitation, power, control, reward, adoration or seduction. It can symbolise domination, value and self-worth, exploitation, power, control, reward, adoration or seduction. When people function from an instinctual level, they are concerned with hunger, fear, the need for rest, warmth, and shelter. Threats to survival stimulate the adrenal glands for that burst of extra energy needed for fight or flight. As the body gets energized, awareness is heightened. The challenge of survival requires us to think and act quickly, and to create solutions. We need only turn on the news to discover the destruction when people act from a place of fear.
Abundance in your life is experienced in direct proportion to the level of Self Love and Self Care you give yourself. Getting clear about Finances includes facing the reality of how much money is coming in, how much is being spent and where it’s being spent. Do you combine your incomes and expenses, or keep them completely separate or some where in between? Being clear leads to positive changes. The Conscious Realtionship workshop will focus on building greater intimacy in relationships.
A clients’ view of therapy. Whether we know it or not, social exchange is right at the heart of our human concerns. As social creatures, is there more to life than enriching give and take and fulfilling relationships? If we have a rapport with others and with ourselves that is loving and supportive, we feel nourished and alive. If our connections are ailing, we may suffer profoundly as a result. In this era, specific help is available for improving the way we interact with others. By working with skilled facilitators we can reap the rewards of shift made to our understanding and our behaviour, regarding ourselves and beyond. If you think of the many kinds of human relationship and, in relation to them, the many more types of personal difficulties experienced, you can sense the complexity of problems that therapists, worldwide, seek to address. Regardless of differences in symptoms, a critical part of healing relationship predicaments is coming to acknowledge that, as adults, we are now personally responsible for the quality of exchanges in our lives. This fact is both hard to swallow and empowering. A therapist is someone who helps us realise that we can effect change and how we can begin to promote healing. This weekend I attended a two-day workshop created and facilitated by therapist Aisha Ali. Under the banner of her healing project, Living from The Heart, Aisha offers a dynamic and comfortable space to engage with personal hitches we may experience in our relationships. Under her safe intervention we strategically cut to the chase of difficulties and take a driving seat in moving through obstacles. Aisha Ali runs a variety of weekend workshops to assist in making positive transformations in life. The one I attended focused on our own ‘shadow’ self and how that impacts our lives in an everyday way. In the group, there were seven people, plus Aisha. The weekend was held in a room that was enclosing, private and conducive to opening up to the nitty-gritty of honest therapeutic work. I didn’t know anything about the shadow self before we began. I entered the weekend with little clue as to what the work would entail and what scale of effect the weekend might have on me. Aisha led us forward into group activities that rapidly brought us to connect truthfully with ourselves. Using a combination of physical movements we tapped into our physical and energetic body, which is a resource of wisdom, honesty and insight. Through group exercises we also connected with each other in a way that was unself-conscious and supportive to our individual processes. Though we were a group, the issues we brought forward were dealt with in a very personal manner. Without any judgement the obstacles that confronted us were accepted and treated with respect. This level of trust was testimony to the atmosphere of safety and openness generated for the occasion. Though we were delving into our innermost selves, nothing about the facilitation felt jarring, abrupt or superfluous. After the exercises it was remarkable how much more relaxed, alert and focused we all were in preparation for the explorations. There was a very carefully selected range of music that powerfully aided the aims of the weekend. I observed, with some amazement, extensive ground being covered in a short period of time. In fact, I hadn’t anticipated how much unfolding could occur in one single weekend. I observed that under the right conditions, shift happens quite dramatically. The process looking at our shadow selves was a journey we each undertook and what is important is that the workshop was suitable for everyone. It was made clear that each person only delved as deep and as far as they were individually ready and comfortable to do. This is not to say that the process was unchallenging. Through attentive guidance, the right degree of enquiry and discovery was set before us, and the accompanying willing to face this was encouraged. I believe that the proof of a workshop is in the pudding. Having been stimulated in various ways to perceive and to begin to integrate my shadow self I felt an enthusiasm for this process that left me a convert to ‘shadow work’. I noticed that I went out into the world with such a fortified confidence that I marvelled at my own social relaxedness. There is a power to group-work that reaches parts that one-on-one therapy seems not to do. The reflections and the difficulties that others shared were enormously helpful and accelerated my understanding of my own behaviours. There was something mechanical to the weekend that began to fix problems in a rudimentary way. I found the comments of the people who shared this time with me uncanny in their accuracy and pertinence. Though it was a group aimed at helping the individual, it felt clear that the insights discovered, and the shift observed, was a collective group-experience. I heartily recommend Living From The Heart workshops to anyone wishing to improve the quality of their relationships with themselves and others in a down to earth and honest way. A clients’ point view of therapy Participant November 2012
What are the healthy Characteristics of negotiation in Relationships A healthy functional intimate relationship is based on equality and respect, not power and control. Think about how you treat and desire to be treated by someone you care about. The quality of a negotiation depends upon two things; the quality of the basic relationship between the two people and the quality of the communication that takes place. A good relationship with good communication between two people should enable successful negotiation. A poor relationship with poor communication is likely to create unhealthy relationships. Too often people try to use negotiating skills from the office at home these – skills do not translate into relational tools. The health of a relationship impacts the quality of communication between two people. If you do not trust someone, you are in danger of either disregarding what they say or looking for hidden meanings that may or may not actually exist. The health of a relationship impacts heavily upon negotiation and is a major influencing factor on the likelihood of both partners getting what they need to flourish and grow. Trust This means being supportive, wanting the best for your partner, knowing your partner likes you, and being able to rely on your partner, offering encouragement when necessary, and being comfortable with your partner having different friends and interests.
Intimate relationships are complex, they can be identified by a growing degree of attachment or dependence – in other words, how much we ‘need’ the other person. Attachment or dependence can be hard to negotiate because it defines vulnerability. It is usually our own dependence – our own vulnerability – that we find difficult to confront and to accept. Like it or not, however, dependence, vulnerability, and consequently power are influencing factors in all relationships. You might feel that you control the power balance, that you are subject to it or that it is equal. Nevertheless, it exists and it is a major influencing factor.
Types of power
Positional power This type of power comes from one person’s position in relation to another. For instance, one partner may have more financial wealth or may have power because of the position that he or she occupies at work, the other partner may have less power because of the way in which their partner perceives them and the division of finances, decisions making or labour in the home. Positional power is characterised by a need for the relationship to continue. Information power As individuals, the more information that we have, the more we feel able to control what is going on about us. This form of control involves one person having more information than another and using it to control the other person’s uncertainty. People can become dependent upon others because of their need to control their own uncertainty.
Control of rewards Buying a sports car to reward a partner for their compliance is an example of this. Paying for everything in the relationship. This is about having the power to reward for desired performance or behaviour. This type of power creates dependency upon the person giving the reward.
Coercive power This is about having the power to punish for failure to behave in a desired fashion. This type of power is also likely to create dependency. People can depend on not being punished as well as depend on being rewarded.
Alliances and networks This concerns the relationships with Social networks (Facebook Literally) and real ones with Family and friends. This is an extended form of information power together with positional power.
Access to and control of agendas If one person controls what terms of the relationship are negotiated, they can effectively set the ground rules i.e. when one partner wants complete control of their partner’s behaviours and loyalty without any relationship skills or creation of the necessary skills to create a healthy relationship. This avoids intimacy. One person focussed on conditions that are favourable to themselves and for needs and requests from their partners that are unfavourable to be blocked. When the discussion is controlled, the relationship becomes dependent on the other to explain the rules for communication and subsequently negotiation. This is unhealthy in adult relationships and creates a power imbalance.
Power All negotiation is about power. Because there are always power imbalances in a relationship, negotiation goes on all the time. No matter what your overall approach to negotiation, you may need to consider the nature of power. Remember that the power in the relationship will influence how intimacy is negotiated. There are many ways people play out power dynamics in relationships through money, sex, decision making, and giving or withholding affection.
Healthy negotiation in an intimate relationship
Accepting responsibility for yourself, means looking after your needs without holding someone else responsible for your life. If you need help get it. Acknowledge past and previous bad behaviour including verbal, emotional or physical violence. Being able to say sorry and admit when you are wrong goes a long way to creating harmony in a relationship. Be sure to communicate openly and honestly. Keep your agreements. Do not create excuses for you or your partner actions. A healthy Relationship is built on truth rather than game playing and deception.
Good Communication Good Communication is based on clarifying issues, specifying feelings, and working together for mutually satisfying solutions. If one partner does something that hurts the other in any way they can take responsibility, and make needed changes in their demonstration of love for the other partner.Any two people can have different perceptions. Differences are not a problem; it is how two people deal with differences. It is often best to take a conscious approach to making decisions in relationships. There is no right or wrong. Take time to listen and reflect. Navigating your desires and reactions. Stop the internal dialogue with yourself about the other person’s motivations and emotions. Ask questions instead of making assumptions. Work towards finding mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict, this means talking. Take time to work what your desires and needs are. They are just as valid as your partner’s. You do not need to agree or even understand differences in opinion to respect your partner. When differences come up observe the situation from your partner’s point of view. No issue or problem is more important than the relationship. When one person wins an argument there will always be a loser rather than two people winning. Conscious decision making Making money decisions together, making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements, sharing dating expenses, accepting both partners need to hold a job. Making decisions together, splitting or alternating costs on dates. Being mindful of the other person’s needs as well as your own – doing things for each other, going places you both enjoy, giving as much as you receive. Basic Steps to Maintaining a Good, Healthy Relationship • Be conscious of what both want for yourselves and from the relationship. • Be vocal about what your needs are communicate them assertively. Neither of you are mind readers • Recognise that your partner will not be able to meet all of your needs. These can be met outside of the relationship. • Do expect your partner to change to meet all your expectations. Accept differences that you see between your ideal how you would like things to be & the reality of who they really are. • Expect conflict. It’s healthy and be willing to negotiate & • Observe and have compassions and empathy. See things from their point of view. You don’t have to agree to respect and understand differences. • Healthy relationships take continual work and effort to maintain. Take your relationships’ Temperature • How well do you and your partners listen to each other? When you and your partner talk, do you look each other in the eye and really listen, is one of you pre-empting a response before the other has finished talking? • How willing are you to take responsibility for your role in your relationship? Many people are good at finding fault in others; particularly those with whom they are in relationship. How capable are you of both identifying your relational limitations and working to change them? • Re you willing to make compromises? Generally and in your daily routine are you conscious of your partners’ likes and dislikes, sensitivities and emotional needs? Do you allow your partner to make compromises for you? In order for a relationship to be balanced and healthy, each person needs to assert his or her own needs and be responsive to those of their partner. • Do you both recognise the qualities you enjoy and appreciate about each other? Are you able to express these, or are they left unsaid? Over time, couples have a tendency to take each other for granted, recognition; appreciation and affection need to be regularly exchanged, in ways that work for both partners. • Are you able to express your concerns without fear of how your partner will react? I Are you both able to express concerns gently and respectfully and do you become harsh or ridiculing? How you express the things that bother you matters at least as much as what your concerns were in the first place. These factors share common themes: mutual respect, openness and consideration. Take time to consider that your care, attentiveness & respect in your romantic relationship are the gifts that matter most every day and create a healthy loving relationship.
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“For me, trees have always been the most penetrating preachers. I revere them when they live in tribes and families, in forests and groves. And even more I revere them when they stand alone. They are like lonely persons. Not like hermits who have stolen away out of some weakness, but like great, solitary men, like Beethoven and Nietzsche. In their highest boughs the world rustles, their roots rest in infinity; but they do not lose themselves there, they struggle with all the force of their lives for one thing only: to fulfil themselves according to their own laws, to build up their own form, to represent themselves. Nothing is holier, nothing is more exemplary than a beautiful, strong tree.
When a tree is cut down and reveals its naked death-wound to the sun, one can read its whole history in the luminous, inscribed disk of its trunk: in the rings of its years, its scars, all the struggle, all the suffering, all the sickness, all the happiness and prosperity stand truly written, the narrow years and the luxurious years, the attacks withstood, the storms endured. And every young farmboy knows that the hardest and noblest wood has the narrowest rings, that high on the mountains and in continuing danger the most indestructible, the strongest, the ideal trees grow.
Trees are sanctuaries. Whoever knows how to speak to them, whoever knows how to listen to them, can learn the truth. They do not preach learning and precepts, they preach, undeterred by particulars, the ancient law of life.
A tree says: A kernel is hidden in me, a spark, a thought, I am life from eternal life. The attempt and the risk that the eternal mother took with me is unique, unique the form and veins of my skin, unique the smallest play of leaves in my branches and the smallest scar on my bark. I was made to form and reveal the eternal in my smallest special detail.
A tree says: My strength is trust. I know nothing about my fathers, I know nothing about the thousand children that every year spring out of me. I live out the secret of my seed to the very end, and I care for nothing else. I trust that God is in me. I trust that my labor is holy. Out of this trust I live.
When we are stricken and cannot bear our lives any longer, then a tree has something to say to us: Be still! Be still! Look at me! Life is not easy, life is not difficult. Those are childish thoughts. Let God speak within you, and your thoughts will grow silent. You are anxious because your path leads away from mother and home. But every step and every day lead you back again to the mother. Home is neither here nor there. Home is within you, or home is nowhere at all.
A longing to wander tears my heart when I hear trees rustling in the wind at evening. If one listens to them silently for a long time, this longing reveals its kernel, its meaning. It is not so much a matter of escaping from one’s suffering, though it may seem to be so. It is a longing for home, for a memory of the mother, for new metaphors for life. It leads home. Every path leads homeward, every step is birth, every step is death, every grave is mother.
So the tree rustles in the evening, when we stand uneasy before our own childish thoughts: Trees have long thoughts, long-breathing and restful, just as they have longer lives than ours. They are wiser than we are, as long as we do not listen to them. But when we have learned how to listen to trees, then the brevity and the quickness and the childlike hastiness of our thoughts achieve an incomparable joy. Whoever has learned how to listen to trees no longer wants to be a tree. He wants to be nothing except what he is. That is home. That is happiness.”
Sex is your Life Force. You are born out of it. It is your creative energy. It can bring enlightenment. Self esteem is not static. It fluctuates. When you think of your inner lover or Divine Love, what images come to mind perhaps the image of the Goddesses of Love? Aphrodite is an enchanting embodiment of sexual fantasy. Her allure is universal. She is the stereotype found in the Hollywood sex goddess who stimulates desires and romance in the imaginations of millions. Perhaps the ecstatic devotional poems of Rumi, Kabir, Mirabai conjure images of blissful and divine Love?When you make a journey to find Divine Love you enter the realm of coming to grips with reality beyond the emotions of love or fear.
Experience and personal growth helps you move from fantasy to reality to be able to manifest Divine and Sacred Love. The journey to find the Lover within you and connect with a Conscious or Divine Love will take you to unexpected places, some difficult to visit.
Your memories, beliefs, and values will place obstacles in the way; you may have opposition, feelings of bitterness and old wounds that impede your progress. You may even feel the need to defend yourself against perceived attacks in order to not be wounded again. Reality on this journey is found between becoming conscious of your idealised images and expectations you place on yourself and relationships. These ideal images are virtually non-existent, when they are not met feelings of disappointment and loss have mastery over you hounding you to degrade yourself and current relationships. Prompting you to behave in unauthentic ways to gain a false sense of being loved and desired.
Reflect. Look at the walls you have put up around you. Which part of your self needs protecting? How old are they? When you meet a Love, which part of you greets it? The adult, child or teenager? When you think of Love what images arise? What is your desire?
Your Inner Lover is both the feminine and masculine whom is excited by feelings of longing, awe, fear of the unknown, and incomprehensibility. When you Love deeply, you open yourself up to the possibility of betrayal and the pain of separation. You open yourself to wounding, and this very woundedness is your openness. Love is a universal quality, intrinsic to consciousness, no journey is more rewarding. It’s worth the time, effort, and dedication to discover your inner Lover. Celebrate what makes you and your desires unique. Your life is beautiful. Your inner Lover is a healthy embodiment of life force, an experience of sensuous pleasure. Your sensitivity allows you to extend compassion and empathy to all you encounter. Sexual energy can have many expressions: at its lowest vibration, it is biological; at the highest, it is spiritual. Along with this sensitivity to your internal and external experiences comes passion. The Inner Lover is connected through feeling.
Your inner Lover wants to touch and be touched. You want to touch everything physically and emotionally and you wish to be touched by everything. Here you recognise no boundaries. Revel in your experiences of the exotic, of desire through the language of love, music art, and the senses. You desire connection with yourself allowing powerful feelings and experiences and in your relationships with other people. Your desire is to experience the sensual world in its totality. Give yourself permission to feel this fully.
The inner Lover makes a journey through your mind, body and spirit moving upwards towards silent spaces, passing through your heart to your mind and the seventh centre at the highest point in your body. Here you will feel grateful towards the energy. Be open to receiving the gifts of loving relationships which have the power to melt defences, leaving you and your loved ones disarmed and open – allowing the magic of divine love to flow.
Practice makes perfect Love Is a Practice. It is a skill that improves with practice. When you consciously identify and communicate your expectations, you are more likely to create and attract healthy loving relationships. When you listen to the wisdom of your heart you can allow it to guide you towards higher expressions of love. You are invited to join me to learn more… www.livingfromtheheart.co.uk
Love, Sex & Intimacy Workshop on the weekend of 7th – 8th March 2015 10 – 4pm both days in North London
On Love, Sex & Intimacy weekend I will introduce ways to help you to develop a healthy sense of sexuality and desire. Learn to identify your emotions and get your needs met in a healthy manner. It will explore the possibilities for experiencing greater depth and nourishment in your relationships. Explore feelings that arise when you meet challenges including shame that may prevent you from having an enjoyable sexual relationship. Find ways of overcoming barriers to better relationships. The workshop is open to all regardless of sexual orientation or if you are in a committed relationship or single.
Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it necessary? Is it true? Does it improve on the silence?
Many of our experiences of Love, Sex and Intimacy are linked unconsciously to feelings of shame; guilt or fear. We do not always recognise that our thoughts about these can prevent us from fully expressing and receiving Love. Many people have not been taught how to talk about sex and sexuality in a healthy and empowering way. This causes a lot of suffering because of our lack of skill, it can create Sexual and Intimacy based difficulties in relationships. Many people were not taught how to love and express their needs in a healthy ways. We learn through observing and experiencing the relationship between and with parents, siblings, caregivers and significant individuals, whom may not have been competent at managing and expressing themselves. Many individuals and couples lack the mature emotional skills set because of their experiences. Concerns about sex and intimacy are common. The weekend workshop explores your unconscious emotional responses and repetitive relational dynamics including the messages you learnt about Love, Sex and Intimacy which possibly has been passed down generation after generation in your family, society, culture. The past only remains so when it no longer affects us in negative ways in the ‘here and now’. You can usually trace your emotional inheritance back to the original dysfunctions within your family. People tend to model themselves on their parents as they are very important role models in your life. Did you see your parents holding hands and expressing tenderness with each other? Did you observe them expressing anger and resolving conflict in a healthy way? Perhaps they were emotionally immature like so many people. They were only doing what they have been taught and it was their best at the time. You may have experienced similar difficulties and challenges in meeting your needs in relationships as an adult. During Living from The Heart Workshops you will move towards becoming more conscious of the underlying dynamics that drive your emotional responses. You will learn to recognise and express your feelings in healthier ways, expanding your sense of self and your repertoire of responses in your relationship. Consequently you and your relationship become more nourishing and nourished.
We have the capacity for two basic feelings—those of love or fear. Emotions are messages your body sends to your mind emanating from your sense of self. Why you feel the way you do?
Everyone at sometime is driven by either Fear or Love. Your sense of self is the source that generates ease or dis – ease and is unique to each individual. Awareness, Self Love and Good Self Esteem is the master-key.
What determines my experiences and relationships as safe or unsafe?
This is a way to begin to bring your unconscious responses into your conscious awareness.
Your needs determine your emotional responses. When you begin to recognise and communicate your needs more consciously you begin to experience greater emotional aliveness that flows from mastering the ability to clearly communicate what you want in life. Remember that these are learnt responses. If you are not currently skilled in this area, the likely hood is that you were taught by people who did not have the skills. YOU CAN LEARN NEW ONES!
The better you become at communicating your needs, the more likely you are to get them met. Consequently your emotional wellness improves greatly.
Distress is usually experienced when certain outcomes are not aligned with your intentions.In other words when your experiences fall short or do not fulfil your expectations. (See live-your-life-with-intention)
This emotional upset is caused by an unmet need or to when someone challenges our sense of self.
‘Your heart has not to open to others. Your heart has to open to yourself.’
The Anahata Chakra is the seat of the Divine Self (Atma). Anahata means “unstruck” which relates to the constant rhythmic beat or vibration of the heart. There is a sound that is non-physical and this transcendental sound vibrates endlessly as the heart.
Located near the centre of the breastbone or sternum, this chakra represents higher consciousness and love. The Heart chakra is associated with the heart, lungs, thymus gland, arms, hands, lower lung and circulatory system. If we live from the Heart, we treat everyone with kindness and offer forgiveness freely. In this heart space, we find balance between our earthly desires and spiritual pursuits. The heart chakra acts as the balance point for all the chakras. It governs your relationships and how you interact with others. A balanced heart chakra is expressed in acceptance of self and others, personal values and ethics, following one’s unique direction in life.
Many of us have felt the pain of heart break and the deep ache of loss, the heaviness of sorrow of grief, hatred, anger and of jealousy. The fear of betrayal and loneliness.
Some signs that the Heart Chakra is out of balance are:
Lack of self discipline
Being cruel and critical of others and self and Passive aggressive
Questioning the existence of love
Difficulty in relationships
Living vicariously through others
Dependence on others for your happiness
When your heart chakra is closed it is very hard to love. Some people repeat painful experiences by going from one tumultuous relationship to another. Some people sabotage relationships, by being unfaithful or creating arguments. Some people close themselves off to relationships, afraid of intimacy or emotional pain.
Daily Practice: Get comfortable and close your eyes and focusing on your heart. Observe your heart centre, notice its colour, a healthy heart chakra emits a clear, stunning, emerald green light. If that light is clouded, dimmed, an odd colour, or the vortex seems shut up tight, it needs to be cleansed and opened. Visualize a beautiful emerald green light that nurtures and bathes your heart in unconditional love. Take a deep breath, and on the exhalation, say “yaammmmm” aloud in one long syllable.
Feel the sound vibration in your body and notice where it vibrates, feel the energy moving from the base of your spine to your heart chakra. Continue breathing deeply and repeat the sound yam on each exhalation until you feel infused with a feeling of peace and serenity.
What emotional wounds do I need to heal?
Are there relationships current or past require healing?
Are my wounds causing me to try and control people or situations around me?
Am I allowing the wounds of others to control me? How do I let that happen?
Do I need to forgive myself? Who needs forgiveness?
What is out of balance in your life? Relationship with yourself or other people?
Daily Practice: Take time to explore areas of importance within your body, mind, and spirit. Which areas are affected?
How is your health, how do you inhabit your body?
Is your intellect under stimulated, what do you need to feed your sense of awe and curiosity in life? We are our thoughts. Your thoughts precede your actions; with a change of mind you can change your behaviour and experiences.
Are your emotions out of reach or out of control? Are you receiving enough Love and affection? Perhaps your relationships need a change. Perhaps the amount of love and contentment in your life is at an all time low? Are you suppressing emotions with substances and behaviour? Repressed feelings do not disappear. They can influence your behaviour and can create illness and disease in your body if not expressed; rendering you disconnected from yourself and others.
Is your ability to find balance in all relationships circumstances and to be present to joy and love diminished?
Are your work relationships difficult? Is the career you are pursuing harder than you expected, have faith that the tide will turn soon.
What is your relationship with money like? Are your finances in a ram shackled state? Do you need to practice self discipline? Are you open to receive abundantly in all areas?
What is your relationship like with yourself? Become conscious of the decisions you make that lead you to greater balance or discord in your life.
Transformation occurs when you consciously take action, bringing with it clarity, passion and commitment to your growth and well being.
There is no better time than now to shift your life in the direction of your dreams.
DO NOT dwell on negative areas or scarcity in your life.
Shift your attention; shift your energy to receive that which you are giving out energetically.
True love emerges from a state of emotional balance. One of the purposes of being in a relationship is to maintain a loving equilibrium. If one partner is manic and up, the other partner helps bring them back down into balance. If one is down and depressed, the other will help lift them up. If one partner becomes arrogant, the other brings them down. If one becomes deflated, the other helps them up. That is how a loving how relationship works.
This balancing act maintains the divine order and true love.
The moment you achieve balance and observe the perfect equilibrium around you, you will be liberated.
You come to know that the world is perfectly balanced, both within and without.
Only then are you able to manage your own life and no longer be controlled by the good or bad opinion of others.
You begin to create your own destiny and allow the enlightened part of you to direct your life, rather than let yourself be ruled by the part of you that is wounded the part that both hopes and fears.
When you begin to see the balance everywhere, you awaken to the possibility that maybe there is a hidden order and intelligence to becoming conscious in your relationships.
Love has two sides: support and challenge.
Supporting someone can make a person weak and dependent, or encourage and nurture their capacity for self love.
Looking for elusive, one-sided events in a two-sided universe is the root of people’s so-called suffering. When you embrace the balance and the truth, love surrounds you.
Focus on the positive aspects of your life. Today take action to restore balance in your life and start Living from The Heart©
30 days to consciously bring love into your life.
Living from the Heart:
T 07855 781 210
Aisha Ali is a much sought after relationship specialist. She is known for her intuitive insight, she is very skilled at getting to the core of issues and helping individuals and couples transform unwanted repeated patterns. Her clients experience support clarity, awareness and a sense of peace, balance and accomplishment.