Psychosexual Therapy in North London and Online

You may love your partner and still find that you no longer want sex. Perhaps desire has faded, or one of you wants more sexual contact than the other. Affection may still be there, but touch has become complicated because it seems to carry an expectation.

You may be experiencing pain, anxiety or difficulties with arousal. Or you may find it hard to explain what is missing. Sex happens, but you do not feel particularly involved, satisfied or able to express what you want.

Psychosexual therapy offers space to talk about these experiences without judgement. You can come individually or with a partner. We begin with what is troubling you, rather than an assumption about how much sex you should want or what your sexual life ought to look like.

I’m Aisha Ali, a UKCP-registered psychotherapist offering psychosexual therapy for individuals and couples in Highgate, North London, and online.My Living from the Heart approach has developed over more than 25 years of clinical practice, bringing together psychotherapy, somatic awareness, relational understanding and spiritual exploration. I offer face-to-face sessions in  North London, within reach of Highgate, Crouch End and Hampstead, and online.

Difficulties with desire

Many people come to me because of difficulties with desire. They may have lost interest in sex, feel little desire for their partner, or find that differences in sexual interest have become a source of hurt and conflict.

You might avoid affection because you worry it will lead to sex. You may agree to sex when you would rather not, or feel rejected and reluctant to approach your partner again. Both of you may miss a closeness that now feels difficult to recover.

Sometimes desire is absent across your life. At other times, it appears in a fantasy or an attraction elsewhere, leaving you wondering why it is difficult to experience within your relationship. There is room to explore this without deciding in advance what it means.

We explore your experience of desire and your approach to intimacy. When you come with a partner, there is room for both of your experiences. The work is not about persuading one person to meet the other’s expectations. It is about understanding what is happening and helping you speak about desire, pleasure, disappointment and boundaries more honestly.

Understanding your sexual experience

Part of our work may involve exploring how your sense of sexuality developed. What did you learn about sex, directly or indirectly? Was curiosity welcomed, discouraged or left unspoken? Did you learn to pay attention to your own pleasure, or to concentrate on pleasing someone else?

We can consider how family and cultural messages, early experiences, body image and previous relationships have shaped what feels possible now. We also attend to your present life; the relationship you are in, the pressures you are carrying, and whether there is room for the kind of intimacy you want.

You do not need to have a clear account of your sexual history before beginning. These questions emerge through our conversations, where they are relevant to the difficulty you bring.

Other concerns you can bring

Alongside difficulties with desire, you may be seeking support with;

• Differences in sexual preferences or needs between partners.
• Erection difficulties, or early or delayed ejaculation.
• Difficulties with arousal or orgasm.
• Vaginismus, or pain during or after sex.
• Performance anxiety, shame or self-consciousness.
• Difficulties talking about sex or expressing boundaries.
• The effects of sexual trauma or unwanted experiences.
• Questions about sexuality, identity or your relationship with your body.

Sexual difficulties can have physical, emotional and relational causes, sometimes in combination. Pain, persistent erection difficulties or changes in desire that concern you may need assessment by your GP or an appropriate sexual-health service. We can discuss how our work might sit alongside medical care.

Living from The Heart an integrative approach

My work is informed by Imago Relationship Therapy, the Developmental Model of couples therapy and Internal Family Systems (IFS), alongside somatic and other relational approaches. I draw on these according to what you bring, rather than expecting you to fit one method.

My work draws on attachment theory, object relations, Gestalt, Imago Relationship Therapy, the Developmental Model of couples therapy and Internal Family Systems (IFS), alongside somatic approaches, ancestral healing and transcultural perspectives. I bring these together according to your needs, rather than expecting you to fit a single method.

I work internationally with individuals, couples and families, including people who have moved between countries or grown up across cultures. There is room to explore how family histories, inherited beliefs, ancestral trauma and experiences of migration or belonging shape your relationship with sexuality, intimacy and identity.

This integrative, heart-centred approach combines:

• Psychotherapy – understanding unconscious patterns, beliefs and past experiences that shape your sexual life.
• Somatic awareness – listening to what your body is telling you, including sensations of tension, withdrawal, pleasure and connection.
• Relational healing – understanding and transforming how you connect with yourself and your partners.
• Sacred sexuality – reconnecting with pleasure, desire and intimacy, and exploring sexuality as a practice of presence and connection.
• Energy healing – a spiritual and energetic dimension of my work, drawing on the language of the sexual and heart chakras to explore felt blocks, vitality and connection, where this is meaningful to you.

This work is not only about addressing sexual problems. It can also be an exploration of your sexual and spiritual potential: learning to make love from your heart, experiencing sex as a sacred practice of connection, and embracing sexuality as an expression of your life force.

You do not need to hold particular spiritual beliefs to work with me. We explore these dimensions where they speak to your experience, without setting an ideal you must reach. Your needs, boundaries and choices guide the work.

Working individually or with a partner

You can come on your own, whether or not you are in a relationship. Individual work gives you space to understand your concerns, explore your desires and boundaries, and consider experiences you may not yet feel able to discuss with anyone else.

When you come with a partner, we explore both your experiences and the patterns between you. This includes conversations that have become difficult, the meanings each of you gives to sex, and how you respond to differences in desire or preference.

The aim is not to decide which person is right. It is to help you understand each other more clearly while making room for each person’s choices and limits.

I welcome LGBTQ+ clients and people of all genders and sexualities. You can bring questions about your relationship without an assumption that every partnership follows the same form.

When past experiences affect intimacy

If you have experienced sexual trauma or unwanted sexual experiences, we can attend to how these affect you now: your relationship with your body, your responses to touch, your trust in others, or your ability to recognise and express what you want.

You do not have to describe everything at once. We agree the pace together, with attention to consent, boundaries and your sense of choice. There is no expectation that you push through discomfort to make progress.

About me

I’m Aisha Ali, a UKCP-registered psychotherapist working with individuals and couples, including people experiencing difficulties with sexuality, desire and intimacy.

My Living from the Heart approach has developed over more than 25 years of clinical practice, integrates psychotherapy, somatic awareness, relational understanding and spiritual exploration.

 I offer face to face sessions in Highgate, North London, within reach of Crouch End and Hampstead, and online.

Getting started

You do not need to have the right words or explain everything in your first message. A brief outline of what is troubling you is enough.

Get in touch to enquire about psychosexual therapy and discuss whether working together might be right for you.