Trauma doesn’t always look like what we expect.
It doesn’t only live in flashbacks or big events — it lives in the body, in the nervous system, and in the subtle dynamics of how we relate.
In intimacy, trauma often shows up in the places we least expect:
In the argument that escalates from nothing
In the touch that suddenly feels unsafe
In the silence that settles after something important goes unsaid
In the moment of closeness that makes us freeze
As a couples therapist and psychotherapist working with individuals and couples for over 25 years, I see how trauma patterns silently shape love — not because we’re broken, but because we’re wired for protection.
And this is where the work begins.
Common Ways Trauma Affects Intimacy
Trauma in relationships can look like:
Avoiding emotional closeness or physical affection
Fear of being “too much” or “not enough”
Disconnection or shutdown during sex
Over-functioning (rescuing, caretaking) or under-functioning (withdrawing, collapsing)
Hypervigilance in response to perceived abandonment
Struggling to speak your needs or name your truth
These patterns are not your fault.
They are survival strategies — intelligent, protective mechanisms that helped you adapt when love didn’t feel safe.
But over time, these protections can create distance in the one place we most long to feel held.
What Helps – Based on the Living from the Heart Approach
Living from the Heart is an integrative model I’ve developed through decades of clinical practice, rooted in relational psychotherapy, psychosexual healing, energy work, and trauma-informed embodiment.
Here’s what I’ve seen create real, lasting change in couples:
✺ 1. Nervous System Awareness
Understanding how trauma impacts your physiology (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) helps you and your partner pause before reacting and build safety from the inside out.
✺ 2. Energetic Attunement
Trauma disconnects us from our own felt sense — and from each other.
We use subtle bodywork, breathwork, and presence to re-establish the flow of connection between partners. This is relational energy healing.
✺ 3. Conscious Communication & Embodied Dialogue
Speaking from the body (not just the mind) changes everything.
Through guided, safe dialogue processes, couples learn to speak and hear each other in ways that rebuild trust, intimacy, and co-regulation.
✺ 4. Shadow Work in a Relationship
Instead of blaming your partner or yourself, we explore the projections, unmet needs, and family dynamics that play out unconsciously.
This brings compassion — and freedom.
✺ 5. Ritual + Sound for Integration
Healing doesn’t only happen in words.
We close our workshops with a restorative sound bath (led by Kasia Marzec), helping couples anchor their emotional shifts into the body through vibration, silence, and inner stillness.
Want to Reconnect After Trauma?
If you and your partner feel stuck, distant, or caught in painful patterns — and are ready for something deeper — I invite you to join me for my upcoming workshop:
Meeting the Shadow in Love
A 2-Day Couples Therapy Workshop | North London
20 – 21st September 2025
Highgate, North London
£650 per couple | Limited to 6 couples
You’ll experience an intimate, supportive therapeutic space to:
Explore how trauma has shaped your relationship.
Learn to co-regulate and communicate with more safety and truth.
Reignite emotional and erotic connection.
Begin again, from the heart
Explore trauma-informed couples therapy in North London
