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  • An Embodied Approach

    Have you ever sat at the dinner table with your family, surrounded by conversation, yet felt profoundly alone? Do your interactions feel like battles instead of bridges? Many of us long for deeper, more meaningful connections but find ourselves trapped in patterns of disconnection. What if healing was possible?

    I am Aisha Ali, UKCP Reg Psychotherapist and founder of Living from the Heart. With over 25 years of clinical experience, I have worked with individuals, couples, and groups to transform relational dynamics. My approach integrates Eastern and Western psychotherapy methods, drawing from my extensive background in Community theatre, Dramatherapy, conflict resolution, embodied relational work, and creative healing practices.

    I have worked within the NHS, corporate, statutory, and voluntary sectors.  My experience includes working with diverse populations, young people, couples, and families—helping them break free from conflict patterns and cultivate deeper, more fulfilling relationships.

    At Living from the Heart, I believe that healing disconnection in families and groups begins with embodied presence, relational attunement, and the courage to be vulnerable.  This blog explores how a heart-centred approach can transform family and group dynamics, building deeper connections, trust, and resilience.

    The Fractured Mirror: Disconnection in Families and Groups

    When families and groups lack embodied presence, conversations become transactional rather than transformative. People talk at each other rather than with each other, leading to emotional disengagement and a sense of alienation. This disconnection is often compounded by power dynamics, epistemic mistrust, and emotional disengagement, leaving individuals feeling unseen and unheard.

    Signs of Disconnection:

    • Conversations revolve around winning arguments rather than enhancing understanding.

    • Defensiveness, avoidance, or exclusionary behavior replaces emotional intelligence.

    • People feel disconnected from their bodies, reducing their capacity for empathy and attunement.

    “Disconnection happens when we speak at each other rather than with each other. Healing begins when we listen—not just with our ears, but with our hearts.”

    Reflection: How does your body react in family or group discussions? Do you notice tension, withdrawal, or the urge to assert control?

    Case Study: The Smith Family

    The Smith family came to therapy feeling deeply disconnected. Sarah, the mother, described family dinners as “battlegrounds,” where her teenage son, Jack, would shut down while her husband, Mark, would dominate the conversation. Sarah felt invisible, caught between Jack’s silence and Mark’s intensity.

    Through a heart-centered and embodied approach, I worked with them using somatic awareness, creative expression, and conflict resolution techniques. Sarah noticed tightness in her chest whenever Mark raised his voice, while Jack described a “numbness” that made it hard to speak. Mark, initially defensive, began to recognize how his need to control the conversation stemmed from a fear of being misunderstood.

    By practicing embodied dialogue—pausing to notice bodily sensations and emotions—the family began to shift their dynamic. Sarah learned to express her feelings without fear, Jack found his voice, and Mark discovered the power of listening. Over time, their dinners transformed from battlegrounds to spaces of connection and mutual understanding.

    Power Dynamics: Breaking the Cycle of Disconnection

    Power dynamics in many families and groups create hierarchies that stifle vulnerability and authenticity. When individuals align with power rather than presence, relationships become transactional, and disconnection deepens.

    Signs of Unbalanced Power Dynamics:

    • Speaking over others or dominating conversations.

    • Disregarding vulnerability as a form of weakness.

    • Using intellect to override emotional depth and embodied responses.

    • Making others wrong to establish dominance.

    Restoring Balance Through Embodied Awareness:

    • Encourage emotional risk-taking—sharing from a place of authenticity rather than control.

    • Create space for vulnerability—shift away from debate and toward relational attunement.

    • Cultivate deep listening—practice presence rather than rehearsing responses.

    • Try a heart-centered approach—lift each other up rather than engage in power struggles.

    Reflection: Have you ever noticed power dynamics influencing your ability to be vulnerable? How do you respond when confronted with dominance or control in a group setting?

    Healing Through Trust & Emotional Attunement

    Many couples and individuals struggle with epistemic mistrust, the inability to trust others as reliable sources of knowledge. This often stems from early invalidation or neglect, leading to binary thinking, dismissiveness, and emotional distance in relationships.

    Healing Strategies:

    • Practice curiosity: Instead of reacting, ask: “What am I missing? What might this person’s experience teach me?”

    • Anchor in the body: Notice what happens somatically when faced with a new perspective—does your breath become shallow? Does your chest tighten?

    • Develop a culture of listening: Encourage active listening rather than reactionary responses.

    Reflection: Where do you struggle with epistemic trust in your family or social circle? Are there situations where you find yourself shutting down when faced with differing perspectives?

    The Still-Face Effect: Emotional Disconnection and Its Impact

    The still-face experiment reveals the profound distress that arises when emotional attunement is absent. In families and groups, this dynamic plays out as emotional disengagement, surface-level interactions, and unresolved conflicts.

    Symptoms of the Still-Face Effect:

    – Conversations feel surface-level or performative rather than relational. – A lack of acknowledgment—family members’ contributions are ignored or dismissed. – Emotional disengagement—participants seem checked out or unavailable. – Repetitive, unresolved conflicts—conversations go in circles without meaningful repair.

    Restoring Emotional Aliveness in Relationships: –

    Practice intentional attunement—notice eye contact, tone of voice, and energy shifts in the group. – Encourage embodied dialogue—rather than just exchanging opinions, invite participants to share how they feel in the moment. – Create repair moments—acknowledge emotional ruptures when they occur, restoring trust and safety.

    The Global Importance of Healing Relationships

    The work of healing relationships extends far beyond individual families and groups—it has the power to transform communities, societies, and even the world. Living from the Heart believes embodied presence, relational attunement, and heart-centered connection are essential for addressing the collective challenges we face as a global community.

    Why This Work Matters Globally:

    Building Bridges Across Divides:In a world increasingly polarised by politics, culture, and ideology, the ability to listen deeply and connect across differences is more critical than ever. By creating epistemic trust and curiosity, we can begin to heal the divides that separate us.

    Healing Collective Trauma: Many of the challenges we face—from climate change to systemic inequality—are rooted in collective trauma. By addressing the emotional and relational wounds that perpetuate these issues, we can create a foundation for meaningful change. 

    Creating a Culture of Compassion: When prioritising vulnerability and embodied awareness, we cultivate a culture of compassion and empathy. This shift has the potential to transform how we relate to one another, both locally and globally.

    Empowering Future Generations: By modeling heart-centered and embodied approaches in our families and communities, we empower future generations to build relationships based on trust, respect, and mutual understanding.

    Living from the Heart, is committed to supporting individuals, families, and groups in this transformative work. Through our therapeutic intensives, advanced skills learning groups, and embodied facilitation training, we aim to create ripples of healing that extend far beyond the therapy room.

     A Path to Collective Healing.

    Healing the collective wound of disconnection begins with embodied presence, relational attunement, and the courage to be vulnerable. Through advanced skills learning groups, therapeutic intensives, and embodied facilitation training, we support individuals, families, and groups in transforming relational patterns and fostering deep, meaningful connection

    Start Your Journey to Deeper Connection

    At Living from the Heart, I offer transformative programs to help you break free from disconnection and cultivate deeper, more fulfilling relationships.
    Work With Me

    How We Can Work Together:

    Ready to transform your relationships? Please book a consultation to explore how we can work together.

    Reflect & Take Action

    • Where do you feel most disconnected in your relationships? How does this show up in your body?

    • Have you ever experienced the still-face effect in a relationship? How did it impact your sense of belonging?

    • What would it feel like to approach your relationships with curiosity and vulnerability rather than defensiveness or control?

    Together, we can move from fragmentation to wholeness, creating a world where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued.

    For more information, visit https://www.livingfromtheheart.co.uk.

  • - Transforming Your Relationships | Internal Family Systems (IFS)

    Couples Therapy Internal Family Systems (IFS): Transforming Conflict Into Connection

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    Couples Therapy and Internal Family Systems (IFS): Transforming Conflict Into Connection

    Conflict is an inevitable part of every relationship, but unresolved disagreements can create patterns of blame, defensiveness, and emotional distance. Imagine this: an argument begins over something small but quickly escalates because both partners feel unheard or misunderstood. Over time, these cycles leave lasting scars.

    I offer an integrative approach at Living from the Heart that blends Internal Family Systems (IFS), relational practices, somatic techniques, and spiritual modalities. Whether healing from trauma, navigating recurring conflict, or seeking deeper emotional and spiritual connection, this framework provides practical tools to transform your relationship.

    Who Is This For?

    Couples Seeking Connection

    Have you ever felt like you’re having the same argument repeatedly? Perhaps one partner lashes out in frustration while the other shuts down to avoid confrontation. This workshop helps couples uncover the deeper dynamics driving these patterns, allowing you to:

    • Rebuild trust.
    • Improve communication.
    • Cultivate intimacy.

    Individuals Exploring Relationship Dynamics

    Maybe you’ve noticed recurring themes in your relationships—like feeling unappreciated or overgiving—and wonder why they keep happening. Through this work, individuals gain insight into their triggers and patterns, increasing personal growth and self-awareness to show up more consciously in relationships.

    Spiritually inclined Individuals and Couples

    For those drawn to aligning spiritual practices with healing, this approach integrates energy work, meditation, and balance between the divine feminine and masculine energies. Imagine discovering not only how to resolve conflicts but also how to align with a higher sense of purpose in your relationships.

    Professionals Balancing Careers and Relationships

    A demanding career often leaves little room for emotional connection. If stress and time constraints impact your relationship, structured intensives and workshops provide actionable tools to help you balance professional and relational priorities while building a deeper bond.

     

    What Is Internal Family Systems (IFS), and How Does It Help Couples?

    IFS views the mind as a collection of “parts,” each with its own emotions and roles:

    • Protective parts (e.g., Critic or Avoider) shield us from pain but often create relationship misunderstandings.
    • Exiles are vulnerable parts carrying wounds from past experiences like rejection, abandonment, or betrayal.

    Imagine a disagreement where one partner’s inner Critic dominates, pointing out flaws, while the other’s Avoider retreats into silence. Neither is malicious; both are protective parts trying to defend deeper emotional wounds.

    IFS empowers couples and individuals to:

    • Recognise and understand their protective parts.
    • Heal deeper emotional wounds carried by their Exiles.
    • Access their Self, a grounded, compassionate inner leader capable of building empathy and connection.

    IFS is a powerful therapeutic tool I use within the Living from the Heart framework. While it offers invaluable insights into the mind’s inner workings, true transformation comes from integrating it with other modalities, such as somatic practices, energy healing, and relational techniques.

     

    How My Framework Supports Healing and Growth

    Living from the Heart combines IFS with other modalities to create a flexible, comprehensive approach tailored to your needs. IFS allows you to understand and work with the protective parts and vulnerable emotions that shape your behaviours. By using this tool alongside reflective practices and creative expression, you can address your challenges’ emotional and relational layers.

    1. Gestalt Therapy

    By encouraging awareness in the present moment, Gestalt Therapy helps you dialogue with disowned parts of yourself.

    • For couples: Learn to recognise suppressed emotions that drive reactivity.
    • For individuals: Understand how past experiences influence current relational dynamics.

    2. Somatic Experiencing

    Trauma often lives in the body, creating physical and emotional tension. Somatic practices help release this stored trauma.

    • For trauma survivors: Regain a sense of safety and regulation.
    • For professionals: Learn to manage stress and stay present in relationships.

    3. Jungian Therapy

    Explore archetypes like the Great Mother and the Shadow to uncover unconscious relational patterns.

    • For spiritually inclined individuals: Connect with more profound aspects of yourself and your partner.

    4. Energy Healing and Spiritual Practices

    Energy alignment techniques, such as meditation, breathwork, and balancing divine feminine and masculine energies, develop emotional and spiritual harmony.

    • For couples: Engage in shared practices to deepen connection.
    • For individuals: Release blocks and realign with your true self. 

    While IFS provides a structured approach to exploring your inner world, my integrative method ensures that we also focus on physical healing, relational growth, and spiritual alignment to achieve lasting transformation.

     

     

    Practical Tools You’ll Learn

    Through this integrative approach, you’ll gain actionable skills, such as:

    • Part Awareness: Identify which part of yourself is reacting in conflict.
    • Conscious Responses: Shift from reactive behaviours to empathetic, Self-led communication.
    • Heartfelt Communication: Express emotions and needs in ways that build understanding and intimacy.

     

    Transforming Conflict Into Connection

    Picture this: Instead of arguing about why a task wasn’t completed, you pause and say, “I have a part that feels overwhelmed and unheard right now.” This subtle shift develops empathy and allows your partner to respond with curiosity instead of defensiveness.

    When couples and individuals engage with their inner landscapes, conflict becomes an opportunity for healing rather than a source of division. You will learn to identify the unmet needs and fears driving disagreements and use that awareness to rebuild trust, improve communication, and cultivate a deeper connection.

    In a recent session, IFS helped a client identify the part of themselves that always feels the need to avoid conflict. Together, we worked to understand this part’s fears and needs, integrating techniques like somatic breathing and self-reflection to create a sense of safety and connection. 

     

     

    Why Choose Living from the Heart?

    This program is ideal for individuals and couples who want to:

    • Reconnect emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
    • Navigate challenges with practical tools and spiritual alignment.
    • Heal past wounds and foster conscious, heart-centered relationships.

    Program Offerings Include:

    • Couples Intensives: Immersive, transformative sessions.
    • Workshops: Group experiences exploring relational dynamics and IFS principles.
    • Individual Therapy: Personalised support for emotional and spiritual growth.

     

    Your Journey Toward Healing and Connection

    Every relationship is a journey, and healing requires compassion, curiosity, and intentionality. Living from the Heart creates a supportive space for exploring one’s inner world, aligning with one’s spiritual essence, and building relationships grounded in empathy and conscious love.

    Take the first step toward a conscious relationship.
    Contact Me today to learn more about our couples intensives, workshops, and therapy sessions. We’ll help you create an authentic, connected, and deeply fulfilling relationship.

    Take the First Step Toward a Thriving Relationship. Are You Ready to transform conflict into connection?

    Discover how the Living from the Heart program, using Internal Family Systems (IFS) and many other cutting-edge approaches, can help you build a conscious, loving relationship. Contact us today to learn more about our couples intensives, workshops, and personalised therapy sessions. Let’s work together to create the authentic and fulfilling relationship you deserve.
    BOOK HERE

  • In a world too often defined by division, discord, and lack of safety.  “Living from the Heart” offers a refreshing and empowering perspective on conscious relationships.

    Far from accepting conflict as a harbinger of separation, this approach invites us to view it as a gateway to transformation and deeper connectivity.

    We live in a society that is based on trauma; by acknowledging and embracing what exists within and between us, from a deeper understanding of who we truly are, we can create the possibility of experiencing conscious relating.

    Conflicts are a natural part of relationships, especially intimate ones. They echo our deepest fears, unmet needs, and unacknowledged wounds.

    Often, conflicts reveal the blind spots we keep hidden from others and ourselves, the silent grievances we hold, and the projections we cast onto those we are closest to. 

    What if conflicts could be turned into opportunities for connection?

    Conflicts, although uncomfortable, can serve as an opportunity for personal and relational development. By understanding the patterns and dynamics of your conflicts, you can transform them into a positive force of connection and understanding. Conflicts usually arise from unfulfilled needs, fears, and unresolved issues. Identifying these underlying factors can help you navigate challenges and build mutual understanding. It is not for the faint-hearted. It requires self-awareness, a willingness to have tough conversations, and a commitment to doing the work.

    Embracing Conflict as a Pathway to Personal Growth

    Conflicts often have underlying fears, needs, and emotional wounds that can be an opportunity for personal growth and self-awareness. Living from The Heart focuses on the interconnectedness of the body, mind, relationships, and brain in the therapeutic journey. It integrates humanistic experiential therapy, Eastern philosophy, and neuroscience to help individuals be aware of their emotions and ongoing experiences as they are felt.

    Many people who have experienced relational trauma may encounter difficulties in connecting with their bodies. This disconnection can be traced back to the detrimental effects of early negative object relations. Both object relations theory and neuroscience can assist in elucidating how these negative experiences impact our capacity to live in the present moment. The dynamics of couples reflect wider relational challenges, and comprehending these dynamics can pave the way for growth.

    The Relationship as a Microcosm of Conflict

     How a couple interacts with each other often reflects the conflicts and interactions in their lives. Relationship disputes generally follow a repeating cycle of attachment wounds, defensive reactions, and escalating tensions, which can create a feedback loop.

    The behaviours used to protect oneself can hurt one’s partner even more.

    The therapeutic relationship reflects the dynamics and reciprocal roles present in their relationships.

    By paying attention to the microcosm of the therapeutic relationship, the client can understand their broader relational challenges. Investigating their couple’s relationship can help them identify the underlying emotional needs and attachment wounds that drive their conflicts.

    Self-awareness can help break destructive conflict cycles and find new ways to relate. Couples’ relationship dynamics offer valuable insights into their broader patterns of interaction, making it a helpful tool for personal growth.

    Relational interactions play a crucial role in people’s lives and shape their perception of themselves and their world. During the early stages of development, interactions with primary caregivers form expectations for relationships throughout the lifespan. Attachment theory suggests that children develop “working models” of relationship expectations based on whether others can be relied upon during challenging times. These models are refined over time through experiences in close relationships and affect how individuals perceive and respond to their adult romantic partners.

    People tend to form close relationships with attachment figures during distress to gain a sense of security. Attachment security significantly impacts one’s thoughts, actions, and emotions related to seeking support, ultimately affecting one’s psychological and social well-being. When a person experiences unresponsive care in their early life, it can lead to insecure attachments, resulting in distrust and emotional distance (avoidance) or a preoccupation with and intrusiveness in relationships (anxiety). These attachment orientations develop from internal working models that can change based on new relational experiences.

    Tom and Sarah are a couple in their mid-30s who frequently have arguments that leave them feeling disconnected and frustrated. Sarah experienced emotional neglect during her childhood, which has led to an anxious attachment style in her relationships. On the other hand, Tom has learned to withdraw from conflicts, creating a familiar pursuit-withdrawal dynamic between them; they embark on a transformative journey that challenges their existing patterns and opens new avenues for connection and understanding. They discover a deepening resilience in their relationship and the potential for healing, even in the face of deep-rooted conflict.

    During therapy, Sarah and Tom work on addressing their cycle of pursuit and withdrawal. Living from the Heart offers interventions such as weekly therapy sessions to help them. Sarah learns to identify and express her fears of abandonment without criticising Tom. Tom engages in meditative exercises that increase his awareness of his tendency to withdraw and allow him to stay present during conflicts.

    Over several sessions, both partners understand their attachment wounds and how this influences their interactions. They learn to communicate their needs and fears openly, cultivating a safe and empathetic space for each other. This shift significantly reduces conflicts and creates a deeper emotional connection, demonstrating the transformative potential of conscious relationship practices.

     Alex and Jamie, in their early forties, sought couples therapy to address ongoing issues in their relationship. Alex felt plagued by anxiety and low self-esteem, often expressing dissatisfaction with their appearance despite being outwardly confident. On the other hand, Jamie struggled with rumination about past disappointments and fears about their future together. Individually, they had pursued various therapeutic avenues, including cognitive behavioural therapy and Jungian analysis, which provided significant personal insights but did not fully address the relational dynamics between them.

    Within their couple’s therapy, relational and somatic psychotherapy focuses on the connection between themself and their partner. We delved into their developmental traumas, uncovering how these past experiences shaped their behaviours and affected their relationship. Both Alex and Jamie discovered patterns of repeating their traumatic pasts in their interactions with each other, highlighting a deep-rooted need for connection that was not met in their early lives.

    The therapeutic journey with Alex and Jamie unfolded gradually as they became more familiar with a relational somatic approach. Through various exercises designed to nurture a more profound connection, they began to experience a sense of safety and vulnerability within the therapy sessions. This newfound connection extended beyond our sessions, providing them comfort and security in their relationship.

    During Alex and Jamie’s therapy, a significant breakthrough occurred when they were encouraged to be present and aware of themselves and each other. This helped them to establish a stronger connection and understanding. As a result, they were able to move away from their traumatic dependency and towards a healthier, more mature attachment. Over time, they reported feeling more confident and noticed a significant reduction in their previously immature attachment patterns.

    Ultimately, they were able to develop a strong sense of self and a secure bond as a couple.

    The final stage of therapy aimed to help Alex and Jamie internalise their healthy relationship dynamic and strengthen their connection.

    By focusing on the present moment and building deep connections, couples can move beyond the limitations of their past traumas and anxieties about the future, emphasising the importance of bodily connection and present-moment awareness in healing, particularly relationships.

    Trauma can disconnect individuals from themselves and their partners, keeping them stuck in past experiences and fearful of the future. By incorporating relational somatic psychotherapy techniques in couples therapy, couples can heal individually, strengthen their relationship, and live in the present moment, free of conflicts.

    Relational depth refers to a profound connection and engagement between two individuals. It cannot be achieved if one person tries to impose something on another.  

    Living from the Heart creates a safe space for individuals to explore and improve their relationships. Integrative therapeutic techniques promote emotional intimacy and personal growth to achieve relational depth. Couples and individuals are guided on their relationship journey to facilitate emotional healing and help them move towards tranquillity.

    Living from the Heart encourages individuals to view conflict not as something to avoid but as an opportunity for growth and connection. Conflict resolution is essential in this process, as it helps individuals understand the underlying causes of relationship problems. This structured approach to resolving conflicts can help people shift their perspectives and develop deeper connections with their loved ones.

    Fear and stress often lead to painful experiences and mistakes in relationships. These emotions usually arise when a person’s essential needs are not met.

    Ultimately, relational presence invites us to transcend traditional cognitive ways of knowing, encouraging a deeper, more intuitive understanding through sensing and feeling. This requires an intimate familiarity with our inner landscapes and a commitment to present in our relationships fully.

    This state of being offers a pathway to navigate relationship dynamics with confidence, compassion, and a deep connection. Through Living from the Heart, individuals and couples are encouraged to embrace relational presence, creating a shared space of empathy, understanding, and synchronicity.  It’s about moving beyond the surface to tap into the interconnectedness of your experiences, where genuine healing and learning can flourish. Through the physiological synchrony of our brains and the mutual recognition of each other’s experiences, relational presence enables couples to transcend traditional communication barriers.

    It seizes the Kairos – the opportune moment for transformation and growth. This approach doesn’t just offer a resolution to the conflict but guides couples towards appreciating the depth of their bond, nurturing a shared path to healing.

    The concept of Kairos, rooted in ancient Greek philosophy, refers to an opportune moment or the “right time” for action. Unlike Chronos, which represents chronological or sequential time, Kairos signifies a time laden with meaning, potential, and the possibility of profound change. It’s about seizing the moment when conditions are perfect for accomplishing a crucial action, thereby changing the course of events or destiny.

    In the context of relational presence, particularly in therapy and deep personal interactions, Kairos relates to the cultivation of being fully present and attuned to the unfolding moment. It embodies the readiness to engage with what is happening between individuals, capturing those fleeting opportunities for connection, healing, and growth within the therapeutic relationship or any meaningful interaction.

    Relational presence is deeply intertwined with the concept of Kairos, as it involves creating and recognising these opportune moments. It is about being so attuned and responsive to the dynamic flow of interaction that one can seize these kairotic moments when the right words, gestures, or silences can lead to significant shifts in understanding, perspective, or emotional connection. This approach accentuates the importance of timing, intuition, and the ability to be deeply present.

    Merging relational presence into couples’ intensives invites both partners into a space of vulnerability and trust. It highlights the importance of slowing down and being truly present with us and our relationships, challenging the societal valorisation of busyness and independence.

    By shifting our focus from doing to being, we create a deeper, more meaningful connection to our actions and each other.

    This journey towards relational presence also demands a shift from traditional modes of knowing to a more intuitive, felt sense of understanding. It calls for individuals to become intimately acquainted with their inner worlds, cultivating a capacity to be fully present and attuned to the moment.

     

    Are you seeking a deeper and more meaningful connection with your partner?

    Living from The Heart offers specialised couple therapy and couples intensives to help you achieve that. Together, you can embark on a journey of growth, healing, and understanding guided by authentic engagement and mutual discovery to help you rekindle the spark of deep, meaningful connection in your relationship and build a strong foundation for the future. Take the first step towards a more fulfilling partnership today. Contact me to learn more about how my couples’ intensives can help you.
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  • - Breaking Childhood ‘Secret Contracts’ to Achieve Adult Relationship Success

    Breaking Childhood ‘Secret Contracts’ To Achieve Adult Relationship Success

    Embarking on the journey of conscious relationships and personal evolution is like stepping into a realm of infinite possibilities, where the transformative power of love and mutual support acts as the guiding light. It’s a voyage that brings us closer to others and leads us deeper into the essence of who we indeed are. In this dance of connection, we discover that love is far more than a mere emotion; it’s a force that transforms us on multiple levels, challenging us to expand beyond our perceived limits and embrace the fullness of our potential.

    When we open our hearts to love, we invite a spectrum of opportunities for growth and healing. This powerful force encourages us to shed the layers of fear that have held us back, to step into the vulnerability with courage, and to embrace the journey of self-discovery with open arms. Love inspires us to look beyond our immediate selves and to see the world through a lens of compassion and understanding. It urges us to let go of the past, forgive ourselves and others, and move forward with renewed purpose and hope.

    In the sanctuary of conscious relationships, we find a space where growth is nurtured and support is abundant. Here, we learn that our challenges are not solitary battles but shared experiences that, when faced together, can strengthen the bonds of our relationships and propel us toward becoming the best versions of ourselves. This journey is not just about finding love in another but about uncovering the depths of love within ourselves—cultivating self-love, self-respect, and the unshakeable belief that we are worthy of happiness and fulfilment.

    Join me as we explore the profound impact of conscious relationships and personal evolution on our lives. Let’s discover how love, in its most authentic and supportive form, can inspire us to transcend our limitations, heal our wounds, and embark on a transformative journey of self-improvement and collective growth. Together, we can unlock the potential within us all, forging paths of understanding, empathy, and deep, enduring connections.

    nerves around the heart

    Many individuals who have experienced childhood trauma often feel burdened by their past. However, it is essential to understand that past experiences do not have to determine your future regarding love and relationships. There is hope, and you can take a path towards healthier and more fulfilling connections.

    Your past does not have to define you; it’s a chapter that has shaped you, but it does not have to determine your future. Healing is not only possible, but it is also achievable, promising a future where you can form bonds that are not only secure but also profoundly enriching.

    While relationships can be challenging, they offer immense opportunities for personal growth, connection, and happiness. By understanding the common challenges and actively working on foundational elements like communication, emotional connection, and personal development, you can navigate the complexities of relationships and build stronger, more fulfilling connections.

    It’s often said that true healing of attachment can’t fully happen outside of a committed relationship. While you can do preparatory work such as regulating your nervous system, developing boundaries, and understanding your attachment patterns, the most profound healing requires another person to show you that you are lovable, loved, and wanted. Some have said that you must be healed and whole before you can love someone else, emphasising the importance of self-love first.

    The love of a conscious relationship goes beyond what you can find. It requires the intricate process of bonding, reshaping the nerves around your heart, and etching the shape of your loved one deeply into your being.

    In a world where the developmental and attachment process has been damaged, many struggle with unhealed attachment wounds and find it challenging to form conscious relationships properly. Yet, healing attachment is about healthily relearning to create conscious relationships, not just with our partners but also with our children and friends.

    To embark on this journey, you must hold unshakeable standards for yourselves and your relationships. Recognising your attachment styles and being willing to address them is crucial. Setting these standards and holding ourselves accountable opens the door to deep intimacy and love.

    Childhood experiences of disconnection from a parent or caregiver can implant painful self-perceptions that persist into adulthood, impacting relationships not only with intimate partners but also with friends, relatives, and colleagues. These internalised messages shape how you view yourself and interact within various relationships, often perpetuating cycles of conflict and misunderstanding unless addressed and healed.

    Power Struggles in Relationships 
    The power struggles you encounter in relationships are not merely obstacles but gateways to deeper connection and love. Within every disagreement lies the potential to uncover and transform the dynamics of your relationship into something more prosperous and more fulfilling. Recognising these moments as opportunities requires a shift in perspective, where open and positive discussions become the tools for growth. By learning to navigate these conflicts constructively, couples can unearth invaluable insights, leading to a profound strengthening of their bond and the enrichment of their shared love journey.

     

    Conscious Relationship Workshops

    Unlock the door to transformative growth and deeper connections in your relationships—join this workshop to embark on a journey where understanding meets healing, and every challenge becomes an opportunity for love to flourish
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  • The Impact Of Collective Trauma On Your Wellbeing And How To Heal It 

    The Impact of Collective Trauma on Your Wellbeing and How to Heal It  The cure for healing collective trauma is…

  • - SOS – A Call For A Greater World Service

    A program update for your operating system is available.

    Where are those happy days? They seem so hard to find.

    Do you feel stuck or need to control your environment and people? You might find yourself engaged in competitive battles, needing to feel better than entitled, arrogant, or resentful.

    When you see the world as moving parts to be manipulated and accumulated to have more than others, your SOS might be up for repair.

    Suppose you are competing to achieve superiority, struggling to earn a sense of worthiness, denying authentic emotion, crafting a performance of self and manipulating and controlling circumstances. Attacking those who threaten your safety. Defending yourself, assigning blame, avoiding personal responsibility and seeking endless possessions and consumption to fill the emptiness.  Fear, perfectionism, attachment, obsession, comparisons, judgment, and chasing the arrival of happiness, your SOS needs a tune-up.

    Your operating system from the past may be unsuited for future challenges because it is based on a faulty premise of separation.  Based on fear, a response to the illusion of being separate from Love.  Fighting for limited resources

    This operating system has become so efficient that it has produced a world that is consuming itself. We move faster, try harder, and struggle more in an attempt to outrun a distorted culture of personal and global imbalance. The result is exhaustion, depression, disappointment, shame, and trying to convince ourselves to be satisfied with what we have.

    ‘A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety’.  – Aesop

    An obstacle to spiritual growth and happiness is a tendency to hold on to old habits and identifications. 

    Emotions that might appear rational – such as feeling righteous or depressed about a catastrophe in your life  – stand exposed as the result of irrational thinking. 

    The result of this thinking will tune you into a frequency of scarcity and limitation. You end up manifesting more of the same. Your experiences of reality will reflect this back to you.

    The universe is perfect – it does not take sides. It listens to the repetitive stories you tell yourself and serves them back to you in a tangible form you cannot miss.

    If you can wake yourself up by focusing on being grateful for every experience, failure, success, breath, smile, and heartache, everything will become infused with gratitude and come alive tenfold.

    Gratitude sparks a life of aliveness, creativity, joy, wonder, compassion, empathy and love.

    Thank You is the magic key to a well-oiled Spiritual Operating System.

    Bless your wounded self that was taught to believe there is not enough and that you might not be worthy.

    Bless your ambitions to pursue the best version of yourself. Bless your shadow; you may not always want to admit you have to hide in the dark places in your heart.

    Bless your need to love and be loved, to make a difference, to bless everything, and to be grateful for everything. You will stop fighting and suddenly begin to know the kind of curiosity about life that leads to miracles.

    Everything becomes affected—your thoughts, actions, interpretations, and life circumstances. It’s upgrading to a better, happier you.   

    When you allow transformations to happen, happiness inspires you to interpret and respond differently to various experiences in your life.  


    Living from the Heart is a way of life operating on a consciousness system.

    Everything in the universe is alive, conscious, and wondrous. You can align yourself and your life with a higher truth of oneness. You can step into the field of connectivity and access resources that have been previously out of reach.

    “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen nor even touched, but just felt in the heart.” Helen Keller

    The intelligence of the Heart can be described as the flow of awareness, understanding, and intuition you experience when your mind and emotions are aligned.

    When you live from your heart, you feel at peace, at ease, and in control of yourself because of a deep inner knowing. You take action with love.

    You learn how to care for yourself and love yourself. You relax because you know that everything is going to be alright. Living from the heart brings balance.

    When the heart is in control, your body finds good health and exists like a well-oiled machine instead of a broken-down car.

    You might be so used to letting your head be in charge of your life that when you start reacting with your heart instead, it feels like a miracle, like a whole new existence.

    …and it is! The heart is the centre of your body’s universe and the centre of your feelings.

    Your head is at the edge of your body. You cannot balance when you live there, and your head is not grounded in the reality of your body.
    Let your heart be the centre, and watch your life transform.
    When you compartmentalise your life and forget what matters most, you tend to listen to those critical voices in your head… “I’m not worthy”,  “I can’t”, and “I tried, ”it’s not fair”, nonsense, and suddenly, you are less than you could be.

    Book now

     

    SOS  Retreat with Living from The Heart

    It will help you know who you are, what makes you happy, your strengths and weaknesses, and what makes you tick. Understanding that while you are not perfect, you can be the best version of yourself.

    You will be encouraged to Live truthfully, authentically, and honestly.

    Cultivate and nurture what is of value in your life, not from your head, where logic rules, but from your heart, where you can feel what is correct and accurate for you.

    When you Live from The Heart, chances are things will be just fine.

    The evening retreat will introduce you to practices to manifest your creativity and potential through living from the heart.

    Sign up for SOS Mondays here, as well as the Retreat.

  • You Matter because you are Energy – You are Atomic!

    All matter has form and substance made up of a collections of cells, consisting of collections of molecules, atoms, protons, neutrons, and electrons.

    • Protons have a positive charge and reside inside the core (nucleus) of the atom.
    • Neutrons have no charge and also reside in the nucleus.
    • Electrons have a negative charge and they revolve around the nucleus at various speeds, in various directions, and at various levels. (Basic Science lesson over)

    Opposites attract

    People push and pull like a magnet in a relationships. Opposites attract,  likes and similarities repel. When you hold two magnets together and their opposite charged surfaces connect they pull together, when you turn one around and try to push them together you can feel a force pushing them apart (electromagnetic force).

    What are the atoms made of? 

     Space and sub atomic particles. The atom consists of 99,9999 % space, but this space is not empty. It´s filled with pure energy.  It means that you are an energy being. This fleshy, bony “thing” you call your body is actually an energy-body moving around in an ocean of energy.

    What does connecting with people really mean?

    Abraham Maslow’s ‘hierarchy of needs’ shows that the need to belong is secondary only to your survival needs, John Bowlby’s attachment theories suggests that a child needs a trusting connection with a caregiver to prosper as an adult, connection is essential.

    At the Heart of your Relationships lives Connection.  

    ‘Real connection is more than just talking to others or sharing interests. When you touch someone’s heart and emotionally attach. Your atoms, the building blocks of your presence in the universe become entangled.’

    When you think of someone you love deeply or a mother’s inexplicable knowledge of their child in danger; stop and look at the evidence. There is proof that we are all connected, and it has more to do with the creation of the universe than the simple fact that we are all humans.

    The Energetic Body

    Your body is energy; it is electrical nature. If you shuffle your feet across a carpet and then touch something made of metal, you get an electrical shock. If you step on a piece of glass you feel pain immediately, because it is electrically transmitted along the nerves to your brain.

    There is a vast ocean of energy, even though you cannot perceive it with your five senses, they have an effect on you.  Qi, chi or Prana is a Life force that exists inside you, through you and around you. Your physical body moves in the world of matter, a subtler aspect of you, woven within and throughout your physical body, moves and interacts on a level of pure energy.

    The Energetic Heart

    The Heart is the most powerful source of electromagnetic energy in the body, creating the largest rhythmic electromagnetic field of the body’s organs. Your heart has “electrical circuits,” you can measure the electrical activity by using a electrocardiograph. The magnetic field produced by the heart is more than 100 times greater in strength than the field generated by the brain and can be detected up to 3 feet away from the body, in all directions’ (Heartmath Institute). 

    Communication is not only expressed through the external, facial movements, voice qualities, gestures and body movements. It is also subtle and energetic operating just below your conscious level of awareness. When people are engaged in deep conversation, they begin to fall into a subtle dance, synchronizing their movements and postures, vocal pitch, speaking rates and length of pauses between responses important aspects of your wholeness and wounding also can become linked and synchronized with another person. More about the Power of Touch. 

    The Heart and Emotions

    More profound than conversation, true connection happens without words.You are broadcasting emotions all the time. Thoughts and feelings are energy frequencies that transcend space and time. You transmit and receive information through your thoughts and feelings all the time. This can be overwhelming. More about The power of thought. 

    Align your Energy

    Let go of habitual unconscious and energetic emotional patterns and underlying stress. Learn to replace these with new, healthier patterns that establish increased emotional stability, mental clarity, and balance as a state of being.

    Join me on the Heart of Relationships workshop on Sunday 20th May 2018 10 – 4pm in North London Hampstead. £160 

    Book Workshop

    Guided meditations with Aisha will help you to open your heart, encouraging you to connect deeply and creatively.  Teaching you how to tap into the your own life-force, flow and creativity.

    Book Meditation session

  • Freedom & Commitment in Relationships

    Balancing freedom and commitment in your relationship. Being emotionally mature is the ability to identify, respond, understand and manage your emotions,…

  • Taking Charge of your Erotic Charge.

    Sexual excitement does not just happen; it is generated within you, however unknowingly.

    YOU are in charge of your erotic charge, however strongly you might be inclined to think otherwise. It is important to understand this in the context of conscious and intimate relationships. Especially when your mind drifts into an eroticised consideration or encounter with someone other than your partner. At these times, you need to recognise that lingering with such charge (fuelling it and fleshing it out through fantasy, however briefly) is not something you cannot help doing, it is something you are responsible for. It is a choice.

    Seeking erotic charge might be something you engage in not to celebrate the connection with your partner, but to distract you from suffering. You might use the erotic charge to compensate for your lack of deep connection, to provide a pleasurably consoling refuge from what is troubling you.

    Conscious relationships do not place the erotic charge as central to sex, even though it is at its most intensely alive and vital at this stage of sexual arousal. Whatever its intensity, it is truly healthy as it is being used to serve and deepen the connection with your partner. Great relationships need to be fed and nourished.

    Sex remains in its shallow form, until the distance numbness or relationship problem which has been undeniably present has been named, which has been diverting the attention and energy previously devoted to building and maintaining an erotic charge.

    A Sense of healthy sexuality does not rely on erotic charge alone. Passion arises not only from stimulation but from intimacy rooted in deep mutual trust. Intimacy relies on the most potent of all aphrodisiacs; wide awake unconditional love, love that is already sentient in openness, communication and connection. Erotic charge between you and your partner, creates genuine intimacy, becomes thrilling and alive, supporting your relationship.

    Seeking erotic charge outside your relationship If you are possessed by an erotic charge; overvaluing it to the point where you are considering everything around you as a potential erotic target for your sexual appetite. Can blind you to the nonsexual dynamics that may be giving a charge (or lack of) to the sexual direction you seek. Flirting proclaims your sexual readiness, availability and potency. When you create an erotic charge with someone other than your partner you reinforce the distance between yourself and your partner; you are ensuring that your intimacy will not go any deeper, in fact will likely diminish. It keeps you safely in the shallowness of encounters, regardless of the depths suggested through your eye contact and body language.  Animating and indulging your sexual capacity however subtle or discreet keeps intimacy with your partner unstable, dangerously close to betraying your relationship. The option here is not to repress your Erotic Charge, but become conscious of it and your relationship.

    You can stop your need to advertise or broadcast your sexual availability and you can stop being bound to creating the intensity of erotic charge and relying on its presence to make yourself feel better.  When you move beyond teasing yourself and others with the promise and possibilities of sex, you are in a position to embody a deeper pleasure, that eventually transmutes into ecstasy.

    Take charge of your erotic charge – give it enough room and allow it to exist with appropriate boundaries and it will turn into liberated energy.

    Taking charge of your erotic charge involves a NO that makes possible a deeper YES. The yes is where joy exists, welcoming all that supports you in embodying what you need in order to have a truly good relationship.

    Flirting and or exploring the possibilities of sexual encounters with other people when you are in a relationship is a form of betrayal. The person flirting may discount their partner telling them there is nothing wrong or they are over reacting. In fact, they have little awareness that they are doing something they ought not to be. It exerts a strong pull that keeps the relationship unstable. Depth and true connection come far in behind the promises and opportunities of being sexually pleasured however indirectly. Oddly, this is an important stage in relationship where romanticism and the illusion of true connection and depth is at its strongest.  Deflection conveniently turns the attention onto the other person. Denial, avoidance, being too busy changing the subject, silence are all strategies preventing true connection.

    When you present a clean exterior and an innocent interior, you keep your egocentricity intact.

    In conscious relationships flirting simply disappears, except with your partner, where it takes shape mostly as loving play within erotic charge.

    Flirting outside the relationship disappears because the urge for it has no energy left. There is no desire to seek or titillate yourself with the possibility of sexual engagement with anyone other then your partner. Whatever might distract you from your intimacy with your partner simply carries no appeal, there is no need for distractions from the connection with your partner. It allows for a deepening passion, which grows parallel with a deep intimacy you know and gratefully share. Your attention for each other does not wander, nor is it forced, it is natural.

    Flirting with anyone other than your partner is a form of erotizing an unresolved wound or insufficiently met need (such as wanting to be wanted). A form of adolescent sexuality – flirting to signal your sexual availability, titillating yourself and increasing your arousal levels without really taking a look at your apparent need to do so.

    You would be well versed to explore deeply what turns you off rather than explore your efforts to get turned on.

    It does not matter how subtle or removed the flirting is, or whether your partner notices. It is still a betrayal. An irresponsible wondering of attention, making the sexual charge with another person more important than the bond with your partner. You have a choice – a no that makes a possible deeper yes. It is your turning away, that deepens your turning towards, that matters most.

    Join me on a weekend workshop that explores erotic charge.

    Discover how to connect with your vital energy and experience more flow, more intimacy and more fearlessness in your life. 

    Many people know the language of Sex without knowing the language of Intimacy.

    Love, Sex & Intimacy workshop

    3rd – 5th March | London NW3| 10 – 4pm | £260

    There is no nudity or sexual contact during the workshop.

  • One of the greatest relationships secrets  

    “Romantic Love delivers us into the passionate arms of someone who will ultimately trigger the same frustrations we had with our parents, but for the best possible reason! Doing so brings our childhood wounds to the surface so they can be healed.” (Harville Hendrix)

    One of the greatest relationships secrets you need to understand, to transform your relationships is that every person in your life is a mirror, reflecting backs parts of you. These are templates or idealised images of positive and negative qualities that your parents or caregivers possessed. Unconsciously you are drawn to somebody who has these qualities. In other words, your partner carries some of your shadow.

    Your relationships show you what you struggle with and need to work on, they mirror what you have learned to identify or disown during childhood. Superficially these patterns may not appear to be like your parents or care givers, you will however, inevitably experience similar feelings you did as a child. These can be positive feelings of belonging, acceptance, safety and love.
    A significant relationship can bring up painful feelings due to more traumatic experiences, which trigger old wounds. Unconsciously, you are seeking out a partner with whom you can heal these wounded parts.

    One of the scariest places encountered in relationship is a deep inner sense of how you are not loved, where you do not know you are truly lovable just for being who you are, where you feel deficient and do not know your value. This is the raw wound of the heart, where you are disconnected from your true nature, your inner perfection. Beneath your conditioned and learnt behaviour, exists a basic nature of the human heart which is unconditioned, awake, and present, with a caring, inquisitive intelligence, and openness to reality. These two forces are always at work, and your life hangs in the balance.

    It is human nature to contain these two sides, your journey involves working with both. Intimate relationships are a path because they touch both these sides of you and bring them into forceful contact.

    Your beliefs about relationships, about men, about women, about love and life in general are all there for you to see in your relationships.

    To understand how the shadow might appear in your relationship.

    Make a list of frustrations, problems and unmet needs from your parents or caregivers for example;
    “she never listened to me and that made me feel…”
    “He never had time for me and that made me feel…”.
    “No one noticed me or made me feel protected…”

    Once you have completed that list, make a list of issues you have with your partner and how they make you feel. Compare the lists and notice any similarities. Discuss with your partner the similarities. When they understand that they have triggered your childhood wounds, you cab do the work needed to keep each other safe and meet each others needs.

    Every quality you recognise in your partner, whether you admire it or not, is your mirror; it shows you who you are. The more you dislike a certain quality, the more it shows you a part of your shadow. When your partner acts in a particular way that upsets you, you will find that you too act in the same way, most likely not towards them but towards yourself and probably others. The more a particular action frustrates you, the more it reflects a part of you that you are not owning.

    The Turtle and the Hailstorm
    You may have a lot in common with your partner, but may be incompatible in how you handle stress and conflict. When it comes to handling stress and conflicts, people’s reactions fall into two categories: minimizers or maximizers.
    When minimizers are anxious, they contain their energy and go inside. Like a turtle, they retreat into their shell. When maximizers are anxious, they tend to express themselves loudly. Like a Hailstorm Their energy flows outward and they prefer to process their feelings with others. (Harville Hendrix, “Getting The Love You Want”)
    Turtles process slowly and inwardly. From the outside, it looks like not much is happening and as if the person is avoiding rather than addressing the issue. However, the turtle processes their feelings and thoughts quietly on the inside, reflecting carefully before responding. Hailstorms visibly get things done; they love lists.

    When a Turtle feels flooded and becomes overloaded, they need to withdraw. This feels like the Turtle disappeared to the Hailstorm making them more anxious, they will start hailing to get their partner’s attention.
    Both of you need to learn to accommodate each others differences in how you process difficulties.
    The Hailstorm can learn to give the Turtle a little shell time and make them feel safe to come out again soon by letting them know how much they are appreciated and valued.

    To entice the turtle, you can,
    1. Ask them what they need right now. Sometimes they are not sure, be curious about why they are hiding.
    2. Do not do anything; give them space.
    3. Write a short note of appreciation and leave it somewhere for them to find.

    “Hailstorms hail because they are overwhelmed. They often feel like they are holding the weight of the world. And when you retreat, the Hailstorm feels even more alone. So the minute you hear a rumble, give them your full attention. Offer kindness and support.” (Hendrix)

    The fastest way to get the storm to stop is to reassure the Hailstorm, they can rely on you and you will do your part to keep them safe and the sun will shine once again.

    To calm the hailstorm
    1 Respond! Let them know you are not retreating. Respond with facial expressions, a kind note, a service or gesture that shows them you care how they feel.
    2 Listen and repeat back how the Hailstorm is feeling. They might not feel heard. Demonstrate that you are listening and understand them.
    3 Ask “Is there something I can do for you?” They need to know you are present and care for them.

    Turtles and hailstorms can teach each other what they are each missing to become more whole.

    “Turtles need to learn how to push their energy out and how to ‘show up’. This means expressing themselves loudly and clearly, like the Hailstorm does. T
    he hailstorms need to learn the turtle’s wisdom of stepping back and containing their energy.” (Hendrix)

    Ironically, both partners need to learn how to be more like each other. When you embrace the shadow in relationships you reclaim the parts which you have disowned, you can get closer to each other.

    Which do you feel you are in relationship? A Turtle or a Hailstorm?

    “As the Turtle becomes more storm like, and the Hailstorm becomes more turtle like, balance is restored”

    Join me on the next Couples Retreat