Heart Centred Practices to Transform your Life & Relationships
Shepherds Close London N6 5AG 07855 781 210
In a world too often defined by division, discord, and lack of safety. “Living from the Heart” offers a refreshing and empowering perspective on conscious relationships.
Far from accepting conflict as a harbinger of separation, this approach invites us to view it as a gateway to transformation and deeper connectivity.
We live in a society that is based on trauma; by acknowledging and embracing what exists within and between us, from a deeper understanding of who we truly are, we can create the possibility of experiencing conscious relating.
Conflicts are a natural part of relationships, especially intimate ones. They echo our deepest fears, unmet needs, and unacknowledged wounds.
Often, conflicts reveal the blind spots we keep hidden from others and ourselves, the silent grievances we hold, and the projections we cast onto those we are closest to.
Conflicts, although uncomfortable, can serve as an opportunity for personal and relational development. By understanding the patterns and dynamics of your conflicts, you can transform them into a positive force of connection and understanding. Conflicts usually arise from unfulfilled needs, fears, and unresolved issues. Identifying these underlying factors can help you navigate challenges and build mutual understanding. It is not for the faint-hearted. It requires self-awareness, a willingness to have tough conversations, and a commitment to doing the work.
Conflicts often have underlying fears, needs, and emotional wounds that can be an opportunity for personal growth and self-awareness. Living from The Heart focuses on the interconnectedness of the body, mind, relationships, and brain in the therapeutic journey. It integrates humanistic experiential therapy, Eastern philosophy, and neuroscience to help individuals be aware of their emotions and ongoing experiences as they are felt.
Many people who have experienced relational trauma may encounter difficulties in connecting with their bodies. This disconnection can be traced back to the detrimental effects of early negative object relations. Both object relations theory and neuroscience can assist in elucidating how these negative experiences impact our capacity to live in the present moment. The dynamics of couples reflect wider relational challenges, and comprehending these dynamics can pave the way for growth.
How a couple interacts with each other often reflects the conflicts and interactions in their lives. Relationship disputes generally follow a repeating cycle of attachment wounds, defensive reactions, and escalating tensions, which can create a feedback loop.
The behaviours used to protect oneself can hurt one’s partner even more.
The therapeutic relationship reflects the dynamics and reciprocal roles present in their relationships.
By paying attention to the microcosm of the therapeutic relationship, the client can understand their broader relational challenges. Investigating their couple’s relationship can help them identify the underlying emotional needs and attachment wounds that drive their conflicts.
Self-awareness can help break destructive conflict cycles and find new ways to relate. Couples’ relationship dynamics offer valuable insights into their broader patterns of interaction, making it a helpful tool for personal growth.
Relational interactions play a crucial role in people’s lives and shape their perception of themselves and their world. During the early stages of development, interactions with primary caregivers form expectations for relationships throughout the lifespan. Attachment theory suggests that children develop “working models” of relationship expectations based on whether others can be relied upon during challenging times. These models are refined over time through experiences in close relationships and affect how individuals perceive and respond to their adult romantic partners.
People tend to form close relationships with attachment figures during distress to gain a sense of security. Attachment security significantly impacts one’s thoughts, actions, and emotions related to seeking support, ultimately affecting one’s psychological and social well-being. When a person experiences unresponsive care in their early life, it can lead to insecure attachments, resulting in distrust and emotional distance (avoidance) or a preoccupation with and intrusiveness in relationships (anxiety). These attachment orientations develop from internal working models that can change based on new relational experiences.
Tom and Sarah are a couple in their mid-30s who frequently have arguments that leave them feeling disconnected and frustrated. Sarah experienced emotional neglect during her childhood, which has led to an anxious attachment style in her relationships. On the other hand, Tom has learned to withdraw from conflicts, creating a familiar pursuit-withdrawal dynamic between them; they embark on a transformative journey that challenges their existing patterns and opens new avenues for connection and understanding. They discover a deepening resilience in their relationship and the potential for healing, even in the face of deep-rooted conflict.
During therapy, Sarah and Tom work on addressing their cycle of pursuit and withdrawal. Living from the Heart offers interventions such as weekly therapy sessions to help them. Sarah learns to identify and express her fears of abandonment without criticising Tom. Tom engages in meditative exercises that increase his awareness of his tendency to withdraw and allow him to stay present during conflicts.
Over several sessions, both partners understand their attachment wounds and how this influences their interactions. They learn to communicate their needs and fears openly, cultivating a safe and empathetic space for each other. This shift significantly reduces conflicts and creates a deeper emotional connection, demonstrating the transformative potential of conscious relationship practices.
Alex and Jamie, in their early forties, sought couples therapy to address ongoing issues in their relationship. Alex felt plagued by anxiety and low self-esteem, often expressing dissatisfaction with their appearance despite being outwardly confident. On the other hand, Jamie struggled with rumination about past disappointments and fears about their future together. Individually, they had pursued various therapeutic avenues, including cognitive behavioural therapy and Jungian analysis, which provided significant personal insights but did not fully address the relational dynamics between them.
Within their couple’s therapy, relational and somatic psychotherapy focuses on the connection between themself and their partner. We delved into their developmental traumas, uncovering how these past experiences shaped their behaviours and affected their relationship. Both Alex and Jamie discovered patterns of repeating their traumatic pasts in their interactions with each other, highlighting a deep-rooted need for connection that was not met in their early lives.
The therapeutic journey with Alex and Jamie unfolded gradually as they became more familiar with a relational somatic approach. Through various exercises designed to nurture a more profound connection, they began to experience a sense of safety and vulnerability within the therapy sessions. This newfound connection extended beyond our sessions, providing them comfort and security in their relationship.
During Alex and Jamie’s therapy, a significant breakthrough occurred when they were encouraged to be present and aware of themselves and each other. This helped them to establish a stronger connection and understanding. As a result, they were able to move away from their traumatic dependency and towards a healthier, more mature attachment. Over time, they reported feeling more confident and noticed a significant reduction in their previously immature attachment patterns.
Ultimately, they were able to develop a strong sense of self and a secure bond as a couple.
The final stage of therapy aimed to help Alex and Jamie internalise their healthy relationship dynamic and strengthen their connection.
By focusing on the present moment and building deep connections, couples can move beyond the limitations of their past traumas and anxieties about the future, emphasising the importance of bodily connection and present-moment awareness in healing, particularly relationships.
Trauma can disconnect individuals from themselves and their partners, keeping them stuck in past experiences and fearful of the future. By incorporating relational somatic psychotherapy techniques in couples therapy, couples can heal individually, strengthen their relationship, and live in the present moment, free of conflicts.
Relational depth refers to a profound connection and engagement between two individuals. It cannot be achieved if one person tries to impose something on another.
Living from the Heart creates a safe space for individuals to explore and improve their relationships. Integrative therapeutic techniques promote emotional intimacy and personal growth to achieve relational depth. Couples and individuals are guided on their relationship journey to facilitate emotional healing and help them move towards tranquillity.
Living from the Heart encourages individuals to view conflict not as something to avoid but as an opportunity for growth and connection. Conflict resolution is essential in this process, as it helps individuals understand the underlying causes of relationship problems. This structured approach to resolving conflicts can help people shift their perspectives and develop deeper connections with their loved ones.
Fear and stress often lead to painful experiences and mistakes in relationships. These emotions usually arise when a person’s essential needs are not met.
Ultimately, relational presence invites us to transcend traditional cognitive ways of knowing, encouraging a deeper, more intuitive understanding through sensing and feeling. This requires an intimate familiarity with our inner landscapes and a commitment to present in our relationships fully.
This state of being offers a pathway to navigate relationship dynamics with confidence, compassion, and a deep connection. Through Living from the Heart, individuals and couples are encouraged to embrace relational presence, creating a shared space of empathy, understanding, and synchronicity. It’s about moving beyond the surface to tap into the interconnectedness of your experiences, where genuine healing and learning can flourish. Through the physiological synchrony of our brains and the mutual recognition of each other’s experiences, relational presence enables couples to transcend traditional communication barriers.
It seizes the Kairos – the opportune moment for transformation and growth. This approach doesn’t just offer a resolution to the conflict but guides couples towards appreciating the depth of their bond, nurturing a shared path to healing.
The concept of Kairos, rooted in ancient Greek philosophy, refers to an opportune moment or the “right time” for action. Unlike Chronos, which represents chronological or sequential time, Kairos signifies a time laden with meaning, potential, and the possibility of profound change. It’s about seizing the moment when conditions are perfect for accomplishing a crucial action, thereby changing the course of events or destiny.
In the context of relational presence, particularly in therapy and deep personal interactions, Kairos relates to the cultivation of being fully present and attuned to the unfolding moment. It embodies the readiness to engage with what is happening between individuals, capturing those fleeting opportunities for connection, healing, and growth within the therapeutic relationship or any meaningful interaction.
Relational presence is deeply intertwined with the concept of Kairos, as it involves creating and recognising these opportune moments. It is about being so attuned and responsive to the dynamic flow of interaction that one can seize these kairotic moments when the right words, gestures, or silences can lead to significant shifts in understanding, perspective, or emotional connection. This approach accentuates the importance of timing, intuition, and the ability to be deeply present.
Merging relational presence into couples’ intensives invites both partners into a space of vulnerability and trust. It highlights the importance of slowing down and being truly present with us and our relationships, challenging the societal valorisation of busyness and independence.
By shifting our focus from doing to being, we create a deeper, more meaningful connection to our actions and each other.
This journey towards relational presence also demands a shift from traditional modes of knowing to a more intuitive, felt sense of understanding. It calls for individuals to become intimately acquainted with their inner worlds, cultivating a capacity to be fully present and attuned to the moment.
Breaking Childhood ‘Secret Contracts’ To Achieve Adult Relationship Success
Embarking on the journey of conscious relationships and personal evolution is like stepping into a realm of infinite possibilities, where the transformative power of love and mutual support acts as the guiding light. It’s a voyage that brings us closer to others and leads us deeper into the essence of who we indeed are. In this dance of connection, we discover that love is far more than a mere emotion; it’s a force that transforms us on multiple levels, challenging us to expand beyond our perceived limits and embrace the fullness of our potential.
When we open our hearts to love, we invite a spectrum of opportunities for growth and healing. This powerful force encourages us to shed the layers of fear that have held us back, to step into the vulnerability with courage, and to embrace the journey of self-discovery with open arms. Love inspires us to look beyond our immediate selves and to see the world through a lens of compassion and understanding. It urges us to let go of the past, forgive ourselves and others, and move forward with renewed purpose and hope.
In the sanctuary of conscious relationships, we find a space where growth is nurtured and support is abundant. Here, we learn that our challenges are not solitary battles but shared experiences that, when faced together, can strengthen the bonds of our relationships and propel us toward becoming the best versions of ourselves. This journey is not just about finding love in another but about uncovering the depths of love within ourselves—cultivating self-love, self-respect, and the unshakeable belief that we are worthy of happiness and fulfilment.
Join me as we explore the profound impact of conscious relationships and personal evolution on our lives. Let’s discover how love, in its most authentic and supportive form, can inspire us to transcend our limitations, heal our wounds, and embark on a transformative journey of self-improvement and collective growth. Together, we can unlock the potential within us all, forging paths of understanding, empathy, and deep, enduring connections.
Many individuals who have experienced childhood trauma often feel burdened by their past. However, it is essential to understand that past experiences do not have to determine your future regarding love and relationships. There is hope, and you can take a path towards healthier and more fulfilling connections.
Your past does not have to define you; it’s a chapter that has shaped you, but it does not have to determine your future. Healing is not only possible, but it is also achievable, promising a future where you can form bonds that are not only secure but also profoundly enriching.
While relationships can be challenging, they offer immense opportunities for personal growth, connection, and happiness. By understanding the common challenges and actively working on foundational elements like communication, emotional connection, and personal development, you can navigate the complexities of relationships and build stronger, more fulfilling connections.
It’s often said that true healing of attachment can’t fully happen outside of a committed relationship. While you can do preparatory work such as regulating your nervous system, developing boundaries, and understanding your attachment patterns, the most profound healing requires another person to show you that you are lovable, loved, and wanted. Some have said that you must be healed and whole before you can love someone else, emphasising the importance of self-love first.
The love of a conscious relationship goes beyond what you can find. It requires the intricate process of bonding, reshaping the nerves around your heart, and etching the shape of your loved one deeply into your being.
In a world where the developmental and attachment process has been damaged, many struggle with unhealed attachment wounds and find it challenging to form conscious relationships properly. Yet, healing attachment is about healthily relearning to create conscious relationships, not just with our partners but also with our children and friends.
To embark on this journey, you must hold unshakeable standards for yourselves and your relationships. Recognising your attachment styles and being willing to address them is crucial. Setting these standards and holding ourselves accountable opens the door to deep intimacy and love.
Childhood experiences of disconnection from a parent or caregiver can implant painful self-perceptions that persist into adulthood, impacting relationships not only with intimate partners but also with friends, relatives, and colleagues. These internalised messages shape how you view yourself and interact within various relationships, often perpetuating cycles of conflict and misunderstanding unless addressed and healed.
Power Struggles in Relationships
The power struggles you encounter in relationships are not merely obstacles but gateways to deeper connection and love. Within every disagreement lies the potential to uncover and transform the dynamics of your relationship into something more prosperous and more fulfilling. Recognising these moments as opportunities requires a shift in perspective, where open and positive discussions become the tools for growth. By learning to navigate these conflicts constructively, couples can unearth invaluable insights, leading to a profound strengthening of their bond and the enrichment of their shared love journey.
The Impact of Collective Trauma on Your Wellbeing and How to Heal It The cure for healing collective trauma is…
All matter has form and substance made up of a collections of cells, consisting of collections of molecules, atoms, protons, neutrons, and electrons.
People push and pull like a magnet in a relationships. Opposites attract, likes and similarities repel. When you hold two magnets together and their opposite charged surfaces connect they pull together, when you turn one around and try to push them together you can feel a force pushing them apart (electromagnetic force).
Space and sub atomic particles. The atom consists of 99,9999 % space, but this space is not empty. It´s filled with pure energy. It means that you are an energy being. This fleshy, bony “thing” you call your body is actually an energy-body moving around in an ocean of energy.
Abraham Maslow’s ‘hierarchy of needs’ shows that the need to belong is secondary only to your survival needs, John Bowlby’s attachment theories suggests that a child needs a trusting connection with a caregiver to prosper as an adult, connection is essential.
At the Heart of your Relationships lives Connection.
‘Real connection is more than just talking to others or sharing interests. When you touch someone’s heart and emotionally attach. Your atoms, the building blocks of your presence in the universe become entangled.’
When you think of someone you love deeply or a mother’s inexplicable knowledge of their child in danger; stop and look at the evidence. There is proof that we are all connected, and it has more to do with the creation of the universe than the simple fact that we are all humans.
Your body is energy; it is electrical nature. If you shuffle your feet across a carpet and then touch something made of metal, you get an electrical shock. If you step on a piece of glass you feel pain immediately, because it is electrically transmitted along the nerves to your brain.
There is a vast ocean of energy, even though you cannot perceive it with your five senses, they have an effect on you. Qi, chi or Prana is a Life force that exists inside you, through you and around you. Your physical body moves in the world of matter, a subtler aspect of you, woven within and throughout your physical body, moves and interacts on a level of pure energy.
The Heart is the most powerful source of electromagnetic energy in the body, creating the largest rhythmic electromagnetic field of the body’s organs. Your heart has “electrical circuits,” you can measure the electrical activity by using a electrocardiograph. The magnetic field produced by the heart is more than 100 times greater in strength than the field generated by the brain and can be detected up to 3 feet away from the body, in all directions’ (Heartmath Institute).
Communication is not only expressed through the external, facial movements, voice qualities, gestures and body movements. It is also subtle and energetic operating just below your conscious level of awareness. When people are engaged in deep conversation, they begin to fall into a subtle dance, synchronizing their movements and postures, vocal pitch, speaking rates and length of pauses between responses important aspects of your wholeness and wounding also can become linked and synchronized with another person. More about the Power of Touch.
More profound than conversation, true connection happens without words.You are broadcasting emotions all the time. Thoughts and feelings are energy frequencies that transcend space and time. You transmit and receive information through your thoughts and feelings all the time. This can be overwhelming. More about The power of thought.
Let go of habitual unconscious and energetic emotional patterns and underlying stress. Learn to replace these with new, healthier patterns that establish increased emotional stability, mental clarity, and balance as a state of being.
Join me on the Heart of Relationships workshop on Sunday 20th May 2018 10 – 4pm in North London Hampstead. £160
Guided meditations with Aisha will help you to open your heart, encouraging you to connect deeply and creatively. Teaching you how to tap into the your own life-force, flow and creativity.
Balancing freedom and commitment in your relationship. Being emotionally mature is the ability to identify, respond, understand and manage your emotions,…
“Romantic Love delivers us into the passionate arms of someone who will ultimately trigger the same frustrations we had with our parents, but for the best possible reason! Doing so brings our childhood wounds to the surface so they can be healed.” (Harville Hendrix)
One of the greatest relationships secrets you need to understand, to transform your relationships is that every person in your life is a mirror, reflecting backs parts of you. These are templates or idealised images of positive and negative qualities that your parents or caregivers possessed. Unconsciously you are drawn to somebody who has these qualities. In other words, your partner carries some of your shadow.
Your relationships show you what you struggle with and need to work on, they mirror what you have learned to identify or disown during childhood. Superficially these patterns may not appear to be like your parents or care givers, you will however, inevitably experience similar feelings you did as a child. These can be positive feelings of belonging, acceptance, safety and love.
A significant relationship can bring up painful feelings due to more traumatic experiences, which trigger old wounds. Unconsciously, you are seeking out a partner with whom you can heal these wounded parts.
One of the scariest places encountered in relationship is a deep inner sense of how you are not loved, where you do not know you are truly lovable just for being who you are, where you feel deficient and do not know your value. This is the raw wound of the heart, where you are disconnected from your true nature, your inner perfection. Beneath your conditioned and learnt behaviour, exists a basic nature of the human heart which is unconditioned, awake, and present, with a caring, inquisitive intelligence, and openness to reality. These two forces are always at work, and your life hangs in the balance.
It is human nature to contain these two sides, your journey involves working with both. Intimate relationships are a path because they touch both these sides of you and bring them into forceful contact.
Your beliefs about relationships, about men, about women, about love and life in general are all there for you to see in your relationships.
Make a list of frustrations, problems and unmet needs from your parents or caregivers for example;
“she never listened to me and that made me feel…”
“He never had time for me and that made me feel…”.
“No one noticed me or made me feel protected…”
Once you have completed that list, make a list of issues you have with your partner and how they make you feel. Compare the lists and notice any similarities. Discuss with your partner the similarities. When they understand that they have triggered your childhood wounds, you cab do the work needed to keep each other safe and meet each others needs.
Every quality you recognise in your partner, whether you admire it or not, is your mirror; it shows you who you are. The more you dislike a certain quality, the more it shows you a part of your shadow. When your partner acts in a particular way that upsets you, you will find that you too act in the same way, most likely not towards them but towards yourself and probably others. The more a particular action frustrates you, the more it reflects a part of you that you are not owning.
The Turtle and the Hailstorm
You may have a lot in common with your partner, but may be incompatible in how you handle stress and conflict. When it comes to handling stress and conflicts, people’s reactions fall into two categories: minimizers or maximizers.
When minimizers are anxious, they contain their energy and go inside. Like a turtle, they retreat into their shell. When maximizers are anxious, they tend to express themselves loudly. Like a Hailstorm Their energy flows outward and they prefer to process their feelings with others. (Harville Hendrix, “Getting The Love You Want”)
Turtles process slowly and inwardly. From the outside, it looks like not much is happening and as if the person is avoiding rather than addressing the issue. However, the turtle processes their feelings and thoughts quietly on the inside, reflecting carefully before responding. Hailstorms visibly get things done; they love lists.
When a Turtle feels flooded and becomes overloaded, they need to withdraw. This feels like the Turtle disappeared to the Hailstorm making them more anxious, they will start hailing to get their partner’s attention.
Both of you need to learn to accommodate each others differences in how you process difficulties.
The Hailstorm can learn to give the Turtle a little shell time and make them feel safe to come out again soon by letting them know how much they are appreciated and valued.
To entice the turtle, you can,
1. Ask them what they need right now. Sometimes they are not sure, be curious about why they are hiding.
2. Do not do anything; give them space.
3. Write a short note of appreciation and leave it somewhere for them to find.
“Hailstorms hail because they are overwhelmed. They often feel like they are holding the weight of the world. And when you retreat, the Hailstorm feels even more alone. So the minute you hear a rumble, give them your full attention. Offer kindness and support.” (Hendrix)
The fastest way to get the storm to stop is to reassure the Hailstorm, they can rely on you and you will do your part to keep them safe and the sun will shine once again.
To calm the hailstorm
1 Respond! Let them know you are not retreating. Respond with facial expressions, a kind note, a service or gesture that shows them you care how they feel.
2 Listen and repeat back how the Hailstorm is feeling. They might not feel heard. Demonstrate that you are listening and understand them.
3 Ask “Is there something I can do for you?” They need to know you are present and care for them.
Turtles and hailstorms can teach each other what they are each missing to become more whole.
“Turtles need to learn how to push their energy out and how to ‘show up’. This means expressing themselves loudly and clearly, like the Hailstorm does. T
he hailstorms need to learn the turtle’s wisdom of stepping back and containing their energy.” (Hendrix)
Ironically, both partners need to learn how to be more like each other. When you embrace the shadow in relationships you reclaim the parts which you have disowned, you can get closer to each other.
Which do you feel you are in relationship? A Turtle or a Hailstorm?
“As the Turtle becomes more storm like, and the Hailstorm becomes more turtle like, balance is restored”
Join me on the next Couples Retreat
Some of your most basic beliefs about love & intimacy are all wrong.
For over twenty years, I have worked with people from all walks of life, who get stuck in a cycle of pain, disappointment, finding it hard to sustain a healthy relationship. By changing your view of relationships and widening your perspective on intimacy, it creates an opportunity for relationships to not only survive, but thrive!
Love addiction, intimacy avoidant beliefs & patterns of behaviours;
What causes love addiction or avoidance of intimacy?
It is hard to feel love when you are angry. Happiness depends on the quality of your inner life, your thoughts, emotions, beliefs and desires when directed towards finding inner peace and love. In essence, you might develop addictions or avoidance to shield yourself from love, or painful feelings. Suffering with negative, inflexible thoughts and emotions, fraught with anger, resentment and criticism, experiencing a loss of connection, perhaps not having experienced hope or love for a long time. You might expose yourself to a serious emotional vacuum and mistake intensity in a relationship for intimacy and love.
The causes are fairly easy to identify: a history of abandonment, inadequate or inconsistent nurturing without proper bonding, or a lack of emotional connection with a parent rooted in a mature, stable place that nurtures and supports a child. No consistent positive role models of loving relationships. Holding unrealistic fantasises, values and beliefs about love. People struggle with an unconscious fear of of both abandonment and of intimacy.
A quintessential characteristic of avoidance is a person who, consistently keeps an emotional and mental distance from their partner, feels overwhelmed by their partners’ desire for closeness, feels stifled by thoughts or pressures of vulnerability, they rely on escape, through distancing strategies. A person who is blocked from love, both desires and fears relationships, because they did not have a connection in childhood that comforted them, from fear or the emptiness of abandonment, they did not learn that relationships can be healing. People, often create intensity outside of their relationship, to relieve feelings of disconnection and unhappiness.
Conscious Fear Unconscious Fear
Love Avoidant
Intimacy Abandonment
Love Addict
Abandonment Intimacy
Emotional Growth & Intimacy
People who lack emotional maturity, find it hard to deal with their emotions and challenges in life. This is very painful; relationships are often short lived; they find it challenging to maintain relationships of any depth. Compromise is almost impossible, their capacity to understand or respond to another person is limited. They find emotions difficult to handle. In an attempt to avoid feelings, they control their world by creating an idealised version, being extreme in their behaviour, or having black and white thinking. Over coming this mind set is an important part of growing emotionally, which involves learning to develop coping strategies and relationship skills.
Relationships are places where this wound shows up. When you are not in a relationship, you can navigate life on your own terms, addressing your needs and wants. You are rarely confronted by the needs of another person in a meaningful way or need to listen to or contemplate someone else’s experiences. You feel in control, most of the time. When you become involved, you are forced to deal with another persons’ desires and needs. You may struggle and blame other people for your problems, situations or circumstances, for your feelings of anger, sadness and depression, without looking within.
Mr. Brand’s thoughts about Love addiction;
‘At the root of all addiction is narcissism, a constant thrumming attention to self. If you are self-absorbed you are suffering, and if you suffer you seek ways to stop it — through drugs, alcohol, sex, maybe Facebook “likes.’
He goes on to say;
“We are trying to solve inner problems externally — whatever it is in our lives that is missing,” he said. “Eckhart Tolle said it perfectly: ‘Addiction starts with pain and ends with pain.’ Here’s the point. Drugs, booze, sex … It’s not the particular addiction that matters as much as the fact that your life is out of control because of it.
Healing Relationships from love addiction or avoidance of intimacy is a process of self discovery and emotional growth.
Growing emotionally involves; breaking through denial, acknowledging repetitive patterns, owning harmful consequences of behaviour and thoughts, and interrupting the cycle. Only then is it possible to let go and address the underlying emotional pain at the core of this disconnection. If you avoid intimacy, you run away from difficult emotions. Learning to become present and aware of your feelings is important. Have you ever met a person who is sincerely concerned for your well being and is there for you when you need them? This is a compassionate, empathetic and loving person. For some, this comes naturally, for others, it takes work. Empathy is not the same as compassion. You can be compassionate with someone but able to fully understand what they are going through.
When you feel something strongly; struggle, loneliness, self criticism, or insecurity, face it head on. Look at the situation, determine what is making you feel that way, and decide what positive steps you will take next.
A solid relationship with a skilled psychotherapist trained in working with relationships, love and sex addiction can help guide you towards a sustaining a conscious loving relationship.
There are moments in life when everything just seems to feel right.
Things go according to plan, relationships are full of energy and love, and life just flows.
When you feel strong, you feel safe, feeling safe allows you to feel your vulnerability.
FLOW a short and simple word describes a sense of seemingly effortless movement.
When your concentration is focused. Your mind does not wander; you are totally involved in what you are doing. Your energy is flowing very smoothly. You feel relaxed, comfortable, and energetic.
Have you ever felt like that?
A blissful feeling that warms and enlivens you. When you know who you are and what you want in life. When you are on a path to achieving goals that you truly value. You feel excited and motivated. You feel focused and full of energy. You feel connected. You feel alive.
Everything you experience joy or pain, interest or boredom is embodied in both mind and body as information. If you are able to manage this information, you can decide what your life will be like.
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” Lao-Tzu
Flow happens when there is order in consciousness. This happens when your energy or attention is invested in realistic goals, and when your skills match the opportunities for taking action.
Flow is a form of energy that can create more positive energy.
Finding your Flow weekend workshop will explore the process of achieving happiness through achieving mastery over your inner life. You will begin by considering how consciousness works, and how it is achieved.
“Flow with whatever is happening and let your mind be free. Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate.” – Chuang Tzu
Working together, we can find flow by:
• Increasing your self awareness
• Creating new definitions of success
• Setting clear and realistic goals
• Understanding your motivation
• Being proactive
• Not stressing about your performance or trying to force yourself to do things
• Cultivating an environment that is conducive to flow by healthy habits
• Giving yourself enough time
• Minimizing interruptions and distractions
• Being mindful and monitoring your emotional states
• Recognising your achievements
• Practicing gratitude
When you are in flow, you work towards freedom and security. You have balance and direction and you are doing what makes you feel alive.
YOU are responsible for your happiness.
Fear of vulnerability creates tension, being on constant guard, terrified of a future that does not yet exist creates suffering. The belief is that if you are protected or feel safe, you cannot be harmed is not the same as being strong.
No matter how much structure you create in your life, there will always be things that you cannot control; if you allow it, these things can be a huge source of anger, frustration and stress.
When you resist it’s like trying to swim upstream against a strong current getting nowhere. You may end up completely exhausted and out of breath!
The simple solution: learn to go with the flow.
“Smile, breathe and go slowly.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
Going with the flow, this means rolling with the punches. Accepting change without getting angry or frustrated. Embracing what life gives you, rather than trying to mold life to be exactly as you want it to be.
Finding your Flow is a fully immersive transformational weekend workshop, where you will be guided finding your flow. Through your senses, sound, movement and stories you will begin to move into flow, enabling the energy of your heart to flow fully. You will journey towards your authentic self finding strength in vulnerability – without the need to hide or run away. When you are in flow you become fully available to yourself and others, opening you up to give and receive love.
London NW3 | 10 -4pm
Book NowWhen you live from the heart you feel calm and energetic, accomplished, joyful, strong and at ease. Great relationships thrive in this place.
When I work with couples, I observe how they argue. I can tell a lot about whether couples are going to make it and help them move towards more loving and successful relationships. There are changes couples can make in their responses to each other that can make a huge difference to their relationship.
Frequent arguments, lack of communication, fear of conflict, heated exchanges, and avoidance of issues are all common complaints among couples I work with.
The impact of high conflict in relationships creates negative emotions and anxiety for everyone including your children if you have them, your parenting skills are no good when you are arguing.
These are four hostile forms of communication that put couples at high risk for breaking up or divorce when these patterns become habits.
Criticism blame and character attacks general complaining. Antidote stay specific, issue simple complaints using I statements; I feel taken advantage of when….
Defensiveness be aware of your own behaviour; righteous indignation, or being an innocent victim as a way of turning your back on a perceived attack. Defensiveness is destructive because it escalates tension and creates an adversarial interaction. You might feel taken advantage of, just as much as you might not accept your accountability and responsibility in the situation. The antidote, try empathy active listening repeat back what your partner has described as their complaint adding empathy and accepting responsibility.
Contempt bolstered by hostility and anger is damaging, eye rolling and name calling are markers of contempt it is damaging to health and builds a lack of respect. The antidote to this is to build fondness and admiration, express admiration and gratitude to build appreciation and respect.
Stonewalling withdrawing, lack of expression, no emotional connection, monitoring gazes, not listening exiting the room avoiding conflict.
Antidote ask permission to disengage with the conflict if it is too much instead of disengaging in a hostile way and reconnecting in a more connected way. Arranging a time when this is possible.
Flooding John Gottman has a vivid word for this physiological “fight-or-flight” reaction. Flooding occurs when you have hostile arguments where the Four Horseman (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) are allowed free reign.
Physical signs of flooding are; rapid heart rate, high blood pressure, sweating, and the overwhelming urge to leave or to say something hurtful. When flooded, you operate from a self-preservation mind set. You seek mainly to protect yourself from the turmoil of an escalating argument, either by becoming aggressive verbally or physically, or by trying to get away.
Take notice of your partner’s anger to resolve conflict before it erupts.
Recognise the cycle that you have created together, take ownership of your part in that cycle. Change the cycle by interrupting it, by changing your usual response, step back and doing something different. This is often the very opposite of what you feel like doing in the moment.
What fight have you recently found yourself starting? How will you approach the problem in the future?
FOR MORE INFORMATION OR TO BOOK A COUPLES APPOINTMENT OR INTENSIVE
BookGet in touch with Aisha directly on 07855 781210
Remerge with your soul on Living from The Heart Chi Kung & Meditation Retreat 7th – 14th September
Order brings sameness. Chaos brings newness every moment.There is a lot of chaos and creativity in the world at the moment.
The world is changing at an ever increasing rate.
Globally politics, society, and culture is in the midst of transformation, old structures are no longer working.
Your personal Renaissance
Renaissance periods happen after a time of great darkness. things “seem” to be getting darker, those with the light within them are shining even brighter, and searching for answers beyond the veil of corruption.
The Renaissance changed the world in just about every way you can think of. Each new intellectual advance paved the way for further advancements.
Consciousness is the product of carefully balanced chaos.
There are times in life when you may feel motivated, ambitious, eager, and anticipatory. Great strides can be made in many different aspects of your life as a mental renaissance takes place…the cold, hard, dark age of the mind is over and a new light; the light of innovation; shines down upon your mental and emotional landscape, giving birth to something quite extraordinary.
Do you feel called to look inward for answers?
I am a great believer that life always offers you an opportunity for greater consciousness, if you can see that everything in your life is there in support of your growth.
It is said that humans, are a small universe interacting with the ‘big’ universe.
As a Psychotherapist, I know well how the mind can either heal us or harm us. Your thoughts are potent and can affect you profoundly.
In meditation, I have practiced shifting the monkey mind; which is constantly chatting about negative thoughts and worry; into a loving calm energy of the heart.
Join me for Living from The Heart Retreat in Portugal 7th – 14th September chi kung, meditation, retreat. It will be a Soul boosting Week of Personal & Professional Development with +30 hours of CPD (if required)
Fill your life with renewed energy, feel alive, increase your awareness with careful attention and balance of meditation and activity.
Evaluating your belief system and developing a positive one that nurtures your mind, body, and spirit may help you find more loving calm and peaceful experiences with yourself and in your relationships.
Free yourself from your worries. Do you sometimes ask yourself?
During the week on the chi kung, meditation, retreat you will;
Find freedom from stress and enter a calm, relaxed and natural state of clarity
On the chi kung & meditation, retreat; you will cultivate a sustained and gentle attentiveness to the movement and stillness of body, heart and mind. As you bring investigation and kindness to this constantly changing experience of life, the entanglements that bind you become more visible, allowing you to soften and open to the simple perfection of the moment.
Through this cultivation you can access a spaciousness, which allows your natural compassion and wisdom to become more available to you.
The Chi Kung practice is very much part of a meditative inquiry, using simple standing and moving exercises suitable for all levels of experience and health
The retreat will be run in a tranquil location in the forested hills of Central Portugal, situated far from the crowds, just 3 km from the beautiful ‘Castelo de Bode’ lake and 8 km from the small town of Cernache de Bonjardim. The small valley is surrounded by eucalyptus, pine and oak. The trees full, lush foliage create masses of the Qi or Chi (pronounced chee) life force that deflects toxic energy. The old manor house which has been lovingly restored with many of the original features preserved, provides en-suite bedrooms.
Attend alone, bring your partner, friend or family member to a build a more successful relationship or rejuvenate an existing one.
Bring all aspects of your physical, emotional, energetic, mental and spiritual bodies back into alignment and harmony.
This week is open to both individuals and couples.
On this intimate retreat, you will clear anger, resentments, disappointments and grievances to move towards expansion and growth.
Working within a group allows you to explore your history to create a future of experiences where you are the director of your life, creating a new context within which to live your life.
You will experience a calm oasis within a small valley surrounded by eucalyptus, pine and oak Trees. Full of of chi, Trees with full, lush foliage create masses of the Qi or Chi (pronounced chee) life force that deflects toxic energy. A wonderful place to Heal the Heart.The environment lends itself to profound healing and meditative work to gain perspective and healing introspection.
There will be a heart-expanding exploration within the group work, meditations, reflective exercises and mind and body practices. The morning session will usually consist of breath work and Chi Kung; the afternoon sessions will be a mixture of meditation and various group exercises centered on healing the heart with time to digest the work and complete self directed tasks allowing time to stop and stare, while enjoying the surroundings of forested hills and nearby lakes and rivers.
There are places in the world, where you can feel the connection with the divine one of them is Dornes by the Lakes and rivers, known for its strong energy field. Such a place can provide answers to a long unanswered questions and make you feel the energy on a more concentrated spiritual level.
Living from the Heart:
T 07855 781 210
S aishaali
E admin@livingfromtheheart.co.uk
Aisha Ali is a much sought after relationship specialist. She is known for her intuitive insight, she is very skilled at getting to the core of issues and helping individuals and couples transform unwanted repeated patterns. Her clients experience support clarity, awareness and a sense of peace, balance and accomplishment.