Taking Charge of your Erotic Charge.
Sexual excitement does not just happen; it is generated within you, however unknowingly.
YOU are in charge of your erotic charge, however strongly you might be inclined to think otherwise. It is important to understand this in the context of conscious and intimate relationships. Especially when your mind drifts into an eroticised consideration or encounter with someone other than your partner. At these times, you need to recognise that lingering with such charge (fuelling it and fleshing it out through fantasy, however briefly) is not something you cannot help doing, it is something you are responsible for. It is a choice.
Seeking erotic charge might be something you engage in not to celebrate the connection with your partner, but to distract you from suffering. You might use the erotic charge to compensate for your lack of deep connection, to provide a pleasurably consoling refuge from what is troubling you.
Conscious relationships do not place the erotic charge as central to sex, even though it is at its most intensely alive and vital at this stage of sexual arousal. Whatever its intensity, it is truly healthy as it is being used to serve and deepen the connection with your partner. Great relationships need to be fed and nourished.
Sex remains in its shallow form, until the distance numbness or relationship problem which has been undeniably present has been named, which has been diverting the attention and energy previously devoted to building and maintaining an erotic charge.
A Sense of healthy sexuality does not rely on erotic charge alone. Passion arises not only from stimulation but from intimacy rooted in deep mutual trust. Intimacy relies on the most potent of all aphrodisiacs; wide awake unconditional love, love that is already sentient in openness, communication and connection. Erotic charge between you and your partner, creates genuine intimacy, becomes thrilling and alive, supporting your relationship.
Seeking erotic charge outside your relationship If you are possessed by an erotic charge; overvaluing it to the point where you are considering everything around you as a potential erotic target for your sexual appetite. Can blind you to the nonsexual dynamics that may be giving a charge (or lack of) to the sexual direction you seek. Flirting proclaims your sexual readiness, availability and potency. When you create an erotic charge with someone other than your partner you reinforce the distance between yourself and your partner; you are ensuring that your intimacy will not go any deeper, in fact will likely diminish. It keeps you safely in the shallowness of encounters, regardless of the depths suggested through your eye contact and body language. Animating and indulging your sexual capacity however subtle or discreet keeps intimacy with your partner unstable, dangerously close to betraying your relationship. The option here is not to repress your Erotic Charge, but become conscious of it and your relationship.
You can stop your need to advertise or broadcast your sexual availability and you can stop being bound to creating the intensity of erotic charge and relying on its presence to make yourself feel better. When you move beyond teasing yourself and others with the promise and possibilities of sex, you are in a position to embody a deeper pleasure, that eventually transmutes into ecstasy.
Take charge of your erotic charge – give it enough room and allow it to exist with appropriate boundaries and it will turn into liberated energy.
Taking charge of your erotic charge involves a NO that makes possible a deeper YES. The yes is where joy exists, welcoming all that supports you in embodying what you need in order to have a truly good relationship.
Flirting and or exploring the possibilities of sexual encounters with other people when you are in a relationship is a form of betrayal. The person flirting may discount their partner telling them there is nothing wrong or they are over reacting. In fact, they have little awareness that they are doing something they ought not to be. It exerts a strong pull that keeps the relationship unstable. Depth and true connection come far in behind the promises and opportunities of being sexually pleasured however indirectly. Oddly, this is an important stage in relationship where romanticism and the illusion of true connection and depth is at its strongest. Deflection conveniently turns the attention onto the other person. Denial, avoidance, being too busy changing the subject, silence are all strategies preventing true connection.
When you present a clean exterior and an innocent interior, you keep your egocentricity intact.
In conscious relationships flirting simply disappears, except with your partner, where it takes shape mostly as loving play within erotic charge.
Flirting outside the relationship disappears because the urge for it has no energy left. There is no desire to seek or titillate yourself with the possibility of sexual engagement with anyone other then your partner. Whatever might distract you from your intimacy with your partner simply carries no appeal, there is no need for distractions from the connection with your partner. It allows for a deepening passion, which grows parallel with a deep intimacy you know and gratefully share. Your attention for each other does not wander, nor is it forced, it is natural.
Flirting with anyone other than your partner is a form of erotizing an unresolved wound or insufficiently met need (such as wanting to be wanted). A form of adolescent sexuality – flirting to signal your sexual availability, titillating yourself and increasing your arousal levels without really taking a look at your apparent need to do so.
You would be well versed to explore deeply what turns you off rather than explore your efforts to get turned on.
It does not matter how subtle or removed the flirting is, or whether your partner notices. It is still a betrayal. An irresponsible wondering of attention, making the sexual charge with another person more important than the bond with your partner. You have a choice – a no that makes a possible deeper yes. It is your turning away, that deepens your turning towards, that matters most.
Join me on a weekend workshop that explores erotic charge.
Discover how to connect with your vital energy and experience more flow, more intimacy and more fearlessness in your life.
Many people know the language of Sex without knowing the language of Intimacy.
3rd – 5th March | London NW3| 10 – 4pm | £260
There is no nudity or sexual contact during the workshop.
